Chapter 104: Those Desperate Feelings

Wednesday, July 10, 2019


Have you ever been in the situation where you just want everything to be in place...? For once, No, basically thousand of times, I wish I am skinny and lately, this feeling is drowning me crazy... I guess I am just tired of going on and off the diet, I am just sick of holding myself back but slow in progress.. I am sick of going back and forth as if there is no ending for this crazy cycle of mine.. 

I started to feel even crazier when I was on my way back, and all of the sudden the thought of why can't anyone just at least, put the attention on me or at least, just look at me as a normal person..? Somebody once tried to speak to me in my journey back while riding the mrt, and he honestly pulled me down to God knows how much I'm crying inside.. 

He started the conversation by asking the time, and then he started the question by asking, "why is your bag smaller than your body..?", proceeded to " Do you have a boyfriend?",  "Have you ever been in relationship before" and the last question that pulled my spirit off, " why was he with you...? Is it because of money...? Are you rich..?"

That was just when everything hit me off, which I knew all he meant was, you're an overweight and please lose your fats or unless if you're rich, it would be a wonder if a guy ever wants to be with you... 

I really want to love myself more but how could I when the treatment that I get could barely made me appreciate myself even more..? To be honest, I am tired of hiding myself, being unmotivated just because of my size and I even told a friend of mine, I am desperate to lose weight and for once, I really want to succeed in this... I am tired, but just how could I stop when I could never be good to myself..?Maybe, if I did lose weight, I would stop suffering myself.. I guess..?

Chapter 103: Isn't He Kind...?

Wednesday, June 19, 2019


Oh God.. I miss writing and ranting here... The writing spirit is always with me in here but somehow, it's been almost 2 months for the since I accidentally spilled water on the keyboard and to type using external keyboard is just unsatisfying but I had to bear with this huge keyboard just for the sake of assignments..

Thankfully, I don't really missed out much as I had to write some self poems and short stories for one of the assignment; which is a bit burdensome but I have to say, I enjoyed it by bits.. hehe.. So... "How's life...?" 

People might ask...

Well... Surprisingly, it's getting better.,.. I thought 2019 would be the worst for me, but Allah S.W.T is just to kind to pull me out from the misery... It's not really going as how I wished; I lost some and I gained some, might have to deal with hypocrisy as well and regained with one that I had lost before but here's a fact; I'm never alone..I'm blessed to have some friends whom would just keep me in positivity.. 
"Allah tu baik, kan...?"
It was a statement, rather than a question from a friend, to me.. My heart ponders when she asked me that because let's face it, it's just something that most of us might even forgets and in fact, we may not even realized about it.. Just one thing to be grateful off, to know someone whom would remind me on how blissful the life should be and never question or compare your life with others because in the end of the day, Allah S.W.T would always grant you with the unexpected joy of life.. 
So, isn't He kind...? Because to me, He is... 
credit: tumblr
p/s: It might already too late but since we're still in the eid mode, Selamat Hari Raya everyone... 💕

Chapter 102: Screams

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

credits: grafolio

If it ever meant to be..
Will it ever be...?
If the consequences is unbearable...
How could it be bearable..?
Those yelling screams...
Just how to shut it down..?

The single laughter...
The empty silence...
The silent tears...
A mixture of emotions....
Just how to double it..?

The urgency of precious moment...
The belief of preserving the memories...
The courtesy to embrace the courage...
Just where these miracle could be...?

written by;
-Flavnesz @ Chapters_ 8.23 p.m.-

cinephile: Extreme Job a.k.a Geukhanjikeob Review [2019]

Tuesday, April 2, 2019

p/s: I am not supposed to be here right now since I have an assignment that needs my attention but I could not hold myself as  I am so eager to share this with you guys!

Ryu Seung-ryong, Lee Hanee, Jin Seon-kyu, Lee Dong-hwi, Gong Myung

A team of narcotics detectives goes undercover in a fried chicken joint to stake out an organized crime gang. But things take an unexpected turn when the detectives' chicken recipe suddenly transforms the rundown restaurant into the hottest eatery in town.

This movie is a must watch for those whom is seeking for laughter...! I swear to you guys that you could barely stop laughing and this movie is just lit.. My friend tagged me to watch the trailer for this movie on fb but I just don't really care enough to watch it. Instead, I  just agreed to her invitation to watch this movie and yes, I'm so glad that I did not left this out.. Of course there might be some break especially at the part of the criminals, some exaggerating fighting scene but it was just for a while and you will just ended up laughing again and again.

Self Rating:

Chapter 101: Will it...?

Sunday, March 24, 2019

credit: grafolio

Been looking for something, 
But could it ever be found..?
Preserving everything,
But how much longer would it stay...?

Could this be a waste..?
Would it be a worth...?
How much longer could this be bare?

The energy is draining...
but then...

Will it be okay to give up ...?
Will it be okay if everything ended?
Will it be okay if it is stranded..?
Will it...?

written by;
Flavnesz @ Chapters

Chapter 100: No, I'm Not Pregnant...!

Sunday, March 3, 2019


Have you ever stressed out thinking about your menstruation cycle...? Okay that sounds awkward but yeah, I can't think of any specific or proper words for this thing so let's just be straight forward.. My hormone might be in mess since I missed my period for 3 months and I was in panic, waiting for it to appear.. 

The first month of absent..? I could still chill around since it was normal for me to skip a month.
The second month, I was slightly worry but still able to remain calm....
But, on the third month, my mind was in total mess..!

"Am I pregnant..? But, I can't be... It's impossible...! Okay calm down... It should be fine.. Okay, open google now...!"

Google: Reasons of Late Period for Unmarried Adult

Possible reasons: Stress, Gained Weight

"Okay, I should not stressed out... I did gained weight, so it's a sign I should back to track..."
Nope, it didn't ease me and guess what..? I was too afraid that I ended up eating lots of pineapple, hoping for the bleed (yes I am that naive girl)... 

I was so worried that I decided to go for a check-up and I had to inform my friends and my sisters, just in case I'm late for the class and they started to act;

My friends: No, you can't be pregnant before me...!
Ateh: 3 bulan...? Jangan cakap.. 

And I immediately cut her..

Still in naive mode, during the check-up, the doctor asked me to do the pregnancy test and with a panic face, I kept telling her that I'm not even married yet. She burst into laughter; calming me by saying it was part of the procedure.. I could only compose myself again when the result was out and it appeared as "Negative". 

Out of the joy, I immediately snapped the picture with a caption: Sorry guys, no anak buah yet...😂

Anyways, the doctor just gave me some hormone pills and Alhamdulillah, the long waits ended...! Well, just writing this as a reminder for myself for not being panic or at least being naive if the similar things ever happen again.. 

Chapter 99: Love Note... (1)

Saturday, February 23, 2019

The wonders of the mind...
The "what if" that would never stop lingering..
Waiting to be settled down...
But will never do...

A weakening body....
In a hopeless situation...
With a positive surrounding...
Is there still a fighting spirit...?

Oh I hope you do...
Because all of us do...
And just for you to know...
Our faith in you would never fade away...

We would always be here for you...
Supporting you back and forth...
Because papa...
We love you.... 
And we will always do... 

I hope the wound would be healed as soon as possible and we could come here again, Pa... 

Chapter 98: The Comeback

Thursday, January 24, 2019


Hey "Chapters"...
There's a weird feeling in me, to be writing here again.. Idk, it's just, being absent for months made me feel... forceful....? 

The should I or how should I or what should I write had been bothering my mind.. Yes, I'm being picky in sharing my thoughts, because somehow, I was such a simple minded for the past few months... There's nothing much that bothered me except for when I kept losing in playing werewolves of Plato, being eager in playing Hago (yeah my life was all about game for the past 3 months), completing my assignments and lastly, living my life... Yup, 2018 was the year of me easing with my life...

There's an eager feeling in me, to start writing... So I "FORCED" myself to write Chapter 97: Escape but believe me, I'm not satisfied with it but I'm not gonna delete it either.. It would be a reminder to me of what would happen when I lose my soul... By then, I even decided to just stop writing...

But, I guess Allah knows me the best.. Starting my first class of 2019 with the subject "Creative Writing" and yeah, it's a sign that I would be getting my soul back and I'm gonna write all the way throughout this semester...! Smiling with a fluttering heart, this gonna be the official comeback of me, to keep the heart of yours... I'm not ignoring you again, and it's a promise... 

Chapter 97: Escape [#7SeriesofWriting]

Saturday, January 12, 2019


#7seriesofwriting 1: Love [click here]
#7seriesofwriting 2: Lonely [click here]
#7seriesofwriting 3: Jealousy [click here]
#7seriesofwriting 4: Betrayal [click here]
#7seriesofwriting 5: Loss [click here]

credits: Grafolio

"Don't you think it's a fate..?"
"Why not...?"
"Because the heart said so..."

"When did I said it...?"
"Shut up...! Just help me...!"
"But I'm telling you, trust him...! It's a fate...!"
"No...! Please...! Just help me for once..!"
"This is a pain for us... Admit it...!"
"But we might be hurt even more later..."
"But can't you feel it...! Should I squeeze you more...?"
"Stop it..! It's better now or it could be worst... Just trust me... For this time..."
"You're running away, aren't you..?"
"I'm... Just... Escaping...."
"Till when..?"

written by;
-Flavnesz @ Chapters_ 11.17 p.m.-

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