Perasaan Bila Anak Lambat Berjalan?
20 hours ago
Assalammualaikum....
There's lots that I had been meaning to update for the past week but I had been super busy to cope with my final weeks, and in the same time, I'm facing a hard moment with my health as my tonsil had been swollen up and I could not drink or eat at ease, woke up to a very dry tongue with a very high fever at the same time and it lasted for solid 5 days. Nothing works for me anymore when I had to postpone my internship interview, causing me to lose one potential place and leaving me with no other back up for now... 😭
Anyways, putting the misery aside, let's move straight away to the main topic. Well, if you're familiar with my blog or maybe a loyal reader of mine, YouGov might not be an alien to you since I had wrote about it as part of featured chapters in the year of 2017 or if you're new here, you could read about it here >>Featured Chapters: YouGov + Goodbye Blogspot?<<.
To be frank, I am still active and loyal with YouGov. Today, I managed to redeem my points once again and I was thinking, why not if I share it once again because you know, 2017 seems to be an invalid fact if I am the new reader here. So, once again, we thought and the intention of sharing, I present to you, one of the most trusted platform to collect some pocket money; YouGov!
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| Thanks for that 510 points, I managed to strike my target to get my yearly pocket money from this site. |
A friendly reminder to those whom are new about this thing, YouGov allows you to answer survey from time to time and even if we ended up to be disqualified to proceed with the actual survey, they would never dissappoint you and replaced it with 90 points survey which basically, just a quick survey and it may be repetitive but hey, at least your points is increasing instead being disqualified and gain nothing, right?
To be frank, I lose my count on if this is my third or the forth time but yes, my patience paid off real well because hey, all you need to do is check your email as frequent as you can, respond to their invitation, collect 5000 points and voila, you can choose the price and as for me, I'm always up for paypal.
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Here is the proof that YouGov never failed to light up my year and yes, what are you waiting for?
All you need is to click the link that I had provided in this post, sign up, answer few survey, be patient and collect you points and voila! The money is walking the runway towards your paypal. 😆
It's been months since I truly watched a movie. If I'm not mistaken, the last movie that I watched in cinema was "The Divine Fury" acted by Park Seo Joon; back on those days when my dad was still alive. Ever since he left, my life became lifeless as I had to travel back and forth from Seremban to KL and no classes means equals to the rest day for my body so I shall not go anywhere unless with reasons.
So, when my sister had been debating to bring her children to watch either Frozen 2 or Ejen Ali, I immediately suggested Ejen Ali because let's face this. It is easier to access on illegal film for foreign movies instead of local movies and I don't want to regret for not watching it, just like I'm regretting myself for not watching Upin Upin: Keris Siamang Gagap before.
So, since this movie is not an alien for the Malaysian, let's just jump to the verdict, shall we?
I have to say, 2019 is the uprising year for Malaysian animation. Starting from Upin ipin (welp, I missed that one) up to Boboiboy and now this, they never fail to leave a good impression. I could not enjoy 100% of the movie since my 4 years old nephew was quite distracted after 70% of the movie; starting to move from one end to another, hugging me, trying to drag me for an ice-cream sesh, and yet, I had to skip a lil' bit of the start due since my sister asked me to out to help her to grab the popcorn for all of my little ones! It is however, I shall still enjoy the whole movie and to be frank, I kinda wish to be able to repeat this movie once again without any interruptions from any of my little babies but the question is, when?😭
Anyways, you should go and watch if you haven't because trust me, it would never disappoint you.
Rating: ★★★★☆ - Because I could not focus on the whole movie due to distractions, so I kinda wish for a repeat and then only it would be 5/5!
Assalammualaikum...
Been wanting to write but I was thinking of updating it tomorrow instead and as I was just about to close the tab, my eyes accidentally caught on the right corner of the screen to only notice that it's been exactly two months since he left... A mixture feeling, but Alhamdulillah, I am surviving...
I am starting fresh. Well, Papa wouldn't want me to be drown in sadness all the time and the only thing that motivated me to keep writing was the thought that I need to prepare myself for my upcoming internship which is just around the corner...
I am still debating on what should I become, as I had been saying, my current course is totally flexible but trust me, it is so hard to decide for the future when the door of opportunity is too wide. Ibu wanted me to become a lecturer for my internship which to the fact that we could if we are able to any college that accept any intern; and even a friend of mine had been comforting me by saying that lecturer is the best for the bossy inner me... 😂
On the other hand, I really gave up on teaching as I realized, it was not my passion at all. Yes, I love my former SK Bukit Indah kids; I even went to the school recently just to witness their result but somehow, quite a disappointment for me (not based on their result). On my way back from the school, I totally made up my mind that I will no longer teach in school but to be a lecturer, I am still debating on that.
However, after lots of thinking, I realized that my one and only passion is writing, and no matter how much I am denying it, I could not lie to myself anymore. I just love it to the point that the sole career that is in my mind right now is to become a content writer of any company.
Anyways, due to that reason, I am changing the template once again and of course, after hours of being rambang mata; I could not leave Fearne's template behind... With the attempt to put this blog's link in my resume, I truly hope it would be helpful for me to get the chance. I am still searching for the opportunity, but I truly hope, I could find the way to be accepted and may Allah ease these journey of mine... Amin..
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| Throwback to the day when I can't decide on what do I want to work as and had a messy life as he was always the guidance of my life and talking to his tomb heals me indirectly... I will always do my best for you, Pa... 🥰 |
P/s: I'm calling off the night but I will do some major blogwalking real soon...
Assalammualaikum..
First of all, I would like to say thank you to those whom wished on the condolences upon my dad.. May Allah return the kindness with His bless.. As much as I am in the hell of regrets and unstoppable messed up feelings of how much I am missing my dad, I am trying to survive as well... I still need to get myself straight to complete my fyp though I have to admit, my spirit is nowhere to be seen... I am keeping myself sane, but deep inside, I just wish I didn't have to go through all this anymore...
It is an unexpected struggle, and as much as I thought 2019 would be a rainbow of mine, I had to admit, I was wrong... I had already expected it to be a year of change, but not it terms of my status.. Not with the fact that my dad is no longer with me... A change in a way of life was all I wished but did I wished it wrongly..? Those flashbacks of memories, the last moment that I had with my dad, his smile, his serious face, his jokes upon his grandchildren, his voice.... and his caring attitude whenever I am not in good health, I am officially a lone survivor now... There's no one in my life whom could be more concern about me compared to him... How do I get use to this...? What is the purpose of me struggling here...? I wonder... And somehow, I could you my sisters answered, "Ibu... You still have ibu waiting to be served with love..."
On the other hand... There's so much of studies that I need to catch up with me, bundles of assignments are waiting, it's already in the middle of the semester and yet, I had no progress with my fyp and God knows the roller-coaster ride that I am going through with my kakak... O' Allah, I wish nothing but strength and guidance for me to complete this journey... Just hold me tight and please don't let me escape from you anymore... Just keep me with you and show me the way to your rainbow of life... This is the deepest soul of mine, believing in your power and wishing upon your bliss... 😭💔
Assalammualaikum...
Pa... It's been exactly a week since you left.... It was not a pleasant memory on how you had left, how I woke up to you bleeding on the floor.. Pa... I'm sorry that I was sound asleep when you fall down.. I'm sorry that me and ibu woke up late that day... I'm sorry that I didn't spent more time with you that night... I could barely let myself loose without any regrets but since you left us on a blissful Friday; the day of hope for everyone whom left the dun-ya, I could only keep praying to Allah to deliver my love for you and for Him to guide me to follow your way....
Pa... I hate the fact that I had never expressed on how much I love you, as I thought you won't left us without any signal.. Our last moment together, it would remain with me forever... I'm glad that I finally could talk about my life in college with you, though that would be our first and last talk but at least, I bet it eased you out a little knowing that I'm in a good hand for my fyp... Pa, I'll be staying in Seremban for good... I'll take care of ibu while finishing what I have started, but I pray Allah gave me strength to complete these tasks...
Remember last year you used to tell me that you never care about Master or Phd anymore, to just stop my journey till degree level and just get a job...? I thought you lost hope in me, not knowing it was a sign that you're getting tired... I got your signal now, and I will stop when this ended pa... For once, I will grant your wish but I won't promise you that I might not chase it anymore... It was a vow pa, a vow from my heart to you, so I might continue but for now, I'm taking a break...
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| always in my memory: Hamid Abd Kadir bin Mohd Shariff [27.2.1953 - 27.9. 2019] |
Thank you pa, for all these 25 years of raising me, for bearing with me, for having faith in me despite of how much I let you down, for being proud of me despite of you never expressed it to me and for every single love that you had poured silently towards me... Thank you for being the best father for us, thank you for educating us up to this level and yet, even after you left, there were so much surprised that we had found through your documents which reflected how great you were... We could never be as good as you pa, and life without you, it is a start of my messy life.. Rindu yang tiada penghujung, kini bermula.... Al-fatihah...
I noticed myself to be a lil' bit weird throughout this degree journey... It all started with a semester where I would never come to class without any make up... It was my confidence booster, which made me felt better about myself.. Then my circles changed, and somehow, my ignorance on make up came out of nowhere.. I don't care about dolling myself anymore and I just don't care about making my self presentable and the only thing I would wear was sunblock and a lipstick.. And somehow, for the past weeks, I am back to dolling up...
It's weird, but I don't know.. I just realized how weird I would look like if I only wear lipstick to class and I could hear my mom's voice in my head saying, " Bedak mana bedak? Dah macam anak orang asli dah ibu tengok kau ni! "😂
Well, at least that was what she would definitely claimed throughout my teenage years before I gained interest on make ups. Anyways, as I was having a lunch date with my kak chik on Sogo Maju Junction on friday, she wanted to look around at the sales section where exclusive sales for Sogo members would be held. Well, there were few sub-brands was elected and my eyes were first caught on Elianto's booth to grab some sheet masks.
I thought my shopping ended there when my sister suddenly poked me and pointed at the booth next to her while whispering, "Weh, ni kau suka la ni." It was ZA's + Senka's booth and to be frank, I had been holding back myself for not buying any extra make ups anymore since I do realized that my make up collection is way too much for a single person but yet, I failed to hold myself.. Well, how could I when the stuffs were only priced at RM10 and RM15 per item..?
My mind went from, "You already had enough and you don't need these to THIS IS A REAL DEAL AND YOU SHOULD NOT LET THIS AWAY real quick.. So yeah, new make ups and since I have not have any current skincare routine, I was thinking, why not give their skincare a try as well..? So yeah, I ended up on a shopping spree for myself.. 💆
Things that I had grabbed during the sale:
- Za Deep Cleansing Oil - Normal price: RM 42.90
- Za Deep Hydration Lotion- Normal price: RM 34.80 * i guess, can't find the actual price in Malaysia
- Za Deep Hydration CreamNormal price: RM 46.10 * i guess, can't find the actual price in Malaysia
- Bye2 Shine Powder - Normal price: RM 36.90
- Za Cream to Powder CC- Normal price: RM 40.40
- Za Bye2 Shine Base UV- Normal price: RM 34.90
- Za Perfect Cream Liquid - Normal price: RM 38.50
- Za Cheekc Groovy - Normal price : RM39.90
- Senka Speedy Perfect Whip - Normal price : RM35.90
- Elianto Sheet Mask, 5 packs of 3 pieces @ RM30
With these, the total of the damage spent was RM 135, so yeah, I should not spend for any skincare or make ups for few months starting from now...Welp, I really hope not.. With this post, maybe you could expect some review from me sooner or later..? Maybe.. 😂
Till then, We'll meet again.. 💗
Assalammualaikum...
Okay, I had been procrastinating a lot this year and I swear I am just too lazy to type anymore... I really hate the fact the that I still need to depend on the external keyboard ant to fix the internal seems like a waste for a student with no extra income like me. Adding the spice to this laziness is the fact that my eyes could no longer function normally as the scar from the sore eyes had left a permanent affect to my eyesight, causing both of my eyes to be blurry which I may say, forever... However, I still haven't make any glasses for myself since Papa would never agree for it and he's waiting for the doctor final declaration that I officially need glasses which would only in October.. So yeah, I had been going around and surviving my past semester + half of my upcoming semester with a blurry eyesight.
It's a suffer, really, and it totally spoiled my mood in doing anything. I slowed down on catching up with the K-Drama, spending my time literally doing nothing and most of the time, I didn't even realize that the time had passed by really quick. Oh, and to be frank, my previous semester was a roller coaster ride for me.. Not gonna rant much about it but I swear, it was a total disappointment for me but I am still praying that there's still some hidden present from Allah S.W.T. Well, there might be some hopes, right...? *crossing fingers*
Anyways, starting my new semester with a new hope but to be honest, I am not ready at all... I still need extra break and my mind is totally not align at all.. There's so much things to do; figuring out a.k.a searching for a space in any company for internship, 3 core subject + final year project a.k.a research which I still had no vision on. I'm freaking out but yet, here I am, looking for a space to empty this mind so here I am, ranting out of it... Well, please allow this space to be my personal diary for awhile, and I hope none of my readers would left because this space had always been my personal after all, the space where I am hoping for some love... 😊
Assalammualaikum...
"Wise man says, only fools rush in.."
A careful step, or to just shoot in...
It is a wonder to mind...
Of how and how...
How to stop self from the fools?
or...
How to stop self from being a fool...
"Never expect", ones said...
But how could you when it is the nature of the humans?
"Never judge!"
And here's a response;
Are you even a human?
Of expectation...
And reality....
It would always tango in the mind...
To not expecting, would never be the reality...
To expect the best and gets hurt...
Or to expect the worst and the reality hits...
You shall never predict...
So expect, or judge all the way you want...
Be the fools...
And that is how you will learn the truth of human being..
Because in the end of the day...
We will still be the fools...
or maybe...
we are those fools...
written by;
-Flavnesz @ Chapters_ 1.00 a.m.-
Assalammualaikum..
Have you ever been in the situation where you just want everything to be in place...? For once, No, basically thousand of times, I wish I am skinny and lately, this feeling is drowning me crazy... I guess I am just tired of going on and off the diet, I am just sick of holding myself back but slow in progress.. I am sick of going back and forth as if there is no ending for this crazy cycle of mine..
I started to feel even crazier when I was on my way back, and all of the sudden the thought of why can't anyone just at least, put the attention on me or at least, just look at me as a normal person..? Somebody once tried to speak to me in my journey back while riding the mrt, and he honestly pulled me down to God knows how much I'm crying inside..
He started the conversation by asking the time, and then he started the question by asking, "why is your bag smaller than your body..?", proceeded to " Do you have a boyfriend?", "Have you ever been in relationship before" and the last question that pulled my spirit off, " why was he with you...? Is it because of money...? Are you rich..?"
That was just when everything hit me off, which I knew all he meant was, you're an overweight and please lose your fats or unless if you're rich, it would be a wonder if a guy ever wants to be with you...
I really want to love myself more but how could I when the treatment that I get could barely made me appreciate myself even more..? To be honest, I am tired of hiding myself, being unmotivated just because of my size and I even told a friend of mine, I am desperate to lose weight and for once, I really want to succeed in this... I am tired, but just how could I stop when I could never be good to myself..?Maybe, if I did lose weight, I would stop suffering myself.. I guess..?
Assalammualaikum..
Oh God.. I miss writing and ranting here... The writing spirit is always with me in here but somehow, it's been almost 2 months for the since I accidentally spilled water on the keyboard and to type using external keyboard is just unsatisfying but I had to bear with this huge keyboard just for the sake of assignments..
Thankfully, I don't really missed out much as I had to write some self poems and short stories for one of the assignment; which is a bit burdensome but I have to say, I enjoyed it by bits.. hehe.. So... "How's life...?"
People might ask...
Well... Surprisingly, it's getting better.,.. I thought 2019 would be the worst for me, but Allah S.W.T is just to kind to pull me out from the misery... It's not really going as how I wished; I lost some and I gained some, might have to deal with hypocrisy as well and regained with one that I had lost before but here's a fact; I'm never alone..I'm blessed to have some friends whom would just keep me in positivity..
"Allah tu baik, kan...?"
It was a statement, rather than a question from a friend, to me.. My heart ponders when she asked me that because let's face it, it's just something that most of us might even forgets and in fact, we may not even realized about it.. Just one thing to be grateful off, to know someone whom would remind me on how blissful the life should be and never question or compare your life with others because in the end of the day, Allah S.W.T would always grant you with the unexpected joy of life..
So, isn't He kind...? Because to me, He is...
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| credit: tumblr |
p/s: It might already too late but since we're still in the eid mode, Selamat Hari Raya everyone... 💕
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| credits: grafolio |
If it ever meant to be..
Will it ever be...?
If the consequences is unbearable...
How could it be bearable..?
Those yelling screams...
Just how to shut it down..?
The single laughter...
The empty silence...
The silent tears...
A mixture of emotions....
Just how to double it..?
The urgency of precious moment...
The belief of preserving the memories...
The courtesy to embrace the courage...
Just where these miracle could be...?
written by;
-Flavnesz @ Chapters_ 8.23 p.m.-
p/s: I am not supposed to be here right now since I have an assignment that needs my attention but I could not hold myself as I am so eager to share this with you guys!
Casts:
Ryu Seung-ryong, Lee Hanee, Jin Seon-kyu, Lee Dong-hwi, Gong Myung
Synopsis:
A team of narcotics detectives goes undercover in a fried chicken joint to stake out an organized crime gang. But things take an unexpected turn when the detectives' chicken recipe suddenly transforms the rundown restaurant into the hottest eatery in town.
Review:
This movie is a must watch for those whom is seeking for laughter...! I swear to you guys that you could barely stop laughing and this movie is just lit.. My friend tagged me to watch the trailer for this movie on fb but I just don't really care enough to watch it. Instead, I just agreed to her invitation to watch this movie and yes, I'm so glad that I did not left this out.. Of course there might be some break especially at the part of the criminals, some exaggerating fighting scene but it was just for a while and you will just ended up laughing again and again.
Self Rating:
★★★★★
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credit: grafolio
Been looking for something,
But could it ever be found..?
Preserving everything,
But how much longer would it stay...?
Could this be a waste..?
Would it be a worth...?
How much longer could this be bare?
The energy is draining...
but then...
Will it be okay to give up ...?
Will it be okay if everything ended?
Will it be okay if it is stranded..?
Will it...?
written by;
Flavnesz @ Chapters
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Assalammualaikum...
Have you ever stressed out thinking about your menstruation cycle...? Okay that sounds awkward but yeah, I can't think of any specific or proper words for this thing so let's just be straight forward.. My hormone might be in mess since I missed my period for 3 months and I was in panic, waiting for it to appear..
The first month of absent..? I could still chill around since it was normal for me to skip a month.
The second month, I was slightly worry but still able to remain calm....
But, on the third month, my mind was in total mess..!
"Am I pregnant..? But, I can't be... It's impossible...! Okay calm down... It should be fine.. Okay, open google now...!"
Google: Reasons of Late Period for Unmarried Adult
Possible reasons: Stress, Gained Weight
"Okay, I should not stressed out... I did gained weight, so it's a sign I should back to track..."
Nope, it didn't ease me and guess what..? I was too afraid that I ended up eating lots of pineapple, hoping for the bleed (yes I am that naive girl)...
I was so worried that I decided to go for a check-up and I had to inform my friends and my sisters, just in case I'm late for the class and they started to act;
My friends: No, you can't be pregnant before me...!
Ateh: 3 bulan...? Jangan cakap..
And I immediately cut her..
Still in naive mode, during the check-up, the doctor asked me to do the pregnancy test and with a panic face, I kept telling her that I'm not even married yet. She burst into laughter; calming me by saying it was part of the procedure.. I could only compose myself again when the result was out and it appeared as "Negative".
Out of the joy, I immediately snapped the picture with a caption: Sorry guys, no anak buah yet...😂
Anyways, the doctor just gave me some hormone pills and Alhamdulillah, the long waits ended...! Well, just writing this as a reminder for myself for not being panic or at least being naive if the similar things ever happen again..
The wonders of the mind...
The "what if" that would never stop lingering..
Waiting to be settled down...
But will never do...
A weakening body....
In a hopeless situation...
With a positive surrounding...
Is there still a fighting spirit...?
Oh I hope you do...
Because all of us do...
And just for you to know...
Our faith in you would never fade away...
We would always be here for you...
Supporting you back and forth...
Because papa...
We love you....
And we will always do...
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| I hope the wound would be healed as soon as possible and we could come here again, Pa... |
Assalammualaikum...
Hey "Chapters"...
There's a weird feeling in me, to be writing here again.. Idk, it's just, being absent for months made me feel... forceful....?
The should I or how should I or what should I write had been bothering my mind.. Yes, I'm being picky in sharing my thoughts, because somehow, I was such a simple minded for the past few months... There's nothing much that bothered me except for when I kept losing in playing werewolves of Plato, being eager in playing Hago (yeah my life was all about game for the past 3 months), completing my assignments and lastly, living my life... Yup, 2018 was the year of me easing with my life...
2019...
There's an eager feeling in me, to start writing... So I "FORCED" myself to write Chapter 97: Escape but believe me, I'm not satisfied with it but I'm not gonna delete it either.. It would be a reminder to me of what would happen when I lose my soul... By then, I even decided to just stop writing...
But, I guess Allah knows me the best.. Starting my first class of 2019 with the subject "Creative Writing" and yeah, it's a sign that I would be getting my soul back and I'm gonna write all the way throughout this semester...! Smiling with a fluttering heart, this gonna be the official comeback of me, to keep the heart of yours... I'm not ignoring you again, and it's a promise...
Assalammualaikum..
#7seriesofwriting 1: Love [click here]
#7seriesofwriting 2: Lonely [click here]
#7seriesofwriting 3: Jealousy [click here]
#7seriesofwriting 4: Betrayal [click here]
#7seriesofwriting 5: Loss [click here]
"Don't you think it's a fate..?"
"No..."
"Why not...?"
"Because the heart said so..."
"When did I said it...?"
"Shut up...! Just help me...!"
"But I'm telling you, trust him...! It's a fate...!"
"No...! Please...! Just help me for once..!"
"This is a pain for us... Admit it...!"
"But we might be hurt even more later..."
"But can't you feel it...! Should I squeeze you more...?"
"Stop it..! It's better now or it could be worst... Just trust me... For this time..."
"You're running away, aren't you..?"
"I'm... Just... Escaping...."
"Till when..?"
"..."
#7seriesofwriting 3: Jealousy [click here]
#7seriesofwriting 4: Betrayal [click here]
#7seriesofwriting 5: Loss [click here]
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| credits: Grafolio |
"Don't you think it's a fate..?"
"No..."
"Why not...?"
"Because the heart said so..."
"When did I said it...?"
"Shut up...! Just help me...!"
"But I'm telling you, trust him...! It's a fate...!"
"No...! Please...! Just help me for once..!"
"This is a pain for us... Admit it...!"
"But we might be hurt even more later..."
"But can't you feel it...! Should I squeeze you more...?"
"Stop it..! It's better now or it could be worst... Just trust me... For this time..."
"You're running away, aren't you..?"
"I'm... Just... Escaping...."
"Till when..?"
"..."
written by;
-Flavnesz @ Chapters_ 11.17 p.m.-
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