Happy 24th years of breathing dear self... There's still no sweet treats for you since it's a holy month and you're still on holiday but hey, at least you got plenty of love for today... The most heart-warming moment was to know how much love people had been feeling for you and in the end, you just realized that you're still important to them.. For the positive vibes that you had been spreading, congratulations dear self.. For the negativity that you had in life, may you slowly learn how to tune it into a positivity.. Nobody is perfect, but this growing process of yours may affect others too so please, cope with it well.. It's a new life waiting ahead, more adventurous moment waiting for you, or perhaps, a prince charming would be appearing soon..? Who knows, right..? Just don't stop having faith in you.. Keep chasing your dreams, have a wonderful journey and I'll definitely see you again in another year with the same date, okay dear self..? Just remember, no matter what you did or whatever awaits in the future, I'll always love you..

With love, 

Yourself...💕

"I tried to put this in words... In a secretive way... But those memories were too good, that I hate for it to be a secret..."

"Why don't you tell this directly..?"

"Why can't I do it indirectly..?"

"You need to express it.. It's now or nothing... Signal him something...! Come on...!"

"But HOW..?! What if he's too blind to see it..? Or.. What if I'm just too late..?!"

"Or... What if he's reading this now..? Shouldn't you just write this..?"

"Even if he's reading this now, would it change anything..?"

"Don't you love him..?"

"How do I define that word in the first place..?"

"Okay.. Let's start with this... Do you even like him from the start...?"

"No... I disliked him at the first glance.. Those tiny eyes and serious expression doesn't charmed me at all but my friend thought he was attractive.."

"And now...?"

"What do you mean by now..? It's been months since the last time I met him.."

"Okay, faulty question.. And then..?"

"What..?"

"Can't you just stop playing around..?!"

"Okay... I don't know why but I can't stop thinking of him, although it's been months since things ended.. I kept thinking how charismatic he was whenever he's doing his duty.. Such a flaming charisma.. However, he had a cheeky smile and attitude which I only realized after we got to communicate to each other.Those eyes which annoyed me at first, is something that I admired the most now..  There are times he would seek for my help and I could never say no to him, and there are times where I felt like he purposely did the thing just to trouble me but somehow, I'm delighted to do the work for him.. And out of my realization, I kept looking for him in silence throughout the end of my days..."

"Well.. It ended.. Your only source of happiness had ended.."

"Umm.. Not really.."

"Meaning..?

"Well, we followed each other on soc-med and seeing his name is enough to make my day.. Just enough to make me smile for the whole day.."

"Doesn't that just define what you've been feelings..?"

"What..?"

"Love.. Back to your question.. How do I define love...? The answer is this feeling of yours is something we called love.. He made your day in silence, and you just can't stop thinking of him.."

"What if.. He's just a crush..? Maybe I just admired him.. That's all.."

"How long has it been since the last time you met him..?"

"8 months"

"If he's just a crush, shouldn't it be over now and you should be having a new crush right after the new life started... The thing is, it hasn't over yet and you kept hoping for his presence in silence.. If that's not something that you could call love, then, what is it..?"

I'm planning to update some poetry or other stuff but hey, my first voting experience should be potrayed here, just a reminder for myself how it was voting for the first time.. Oh wait, I'm not that eager actually.. I was too lazy to get out today and the first thing that crossed out my mind was, "Can't I just stay at home..?"

Yeah.. I'm not in spirit of voting although I'm the first timer, just because I don't want to queue up under the hot weather. But then, it was my obligation as the Malaysian citizen to vote so yeah, I did get off my bed and followed my sisters to the school for voting.

We went there before lunch hour and luckily, all of us settled within an hour. To best part..? Mine settled in less than 10 minutes, simply because there's no one on the line and I was the only person that went to "saluran 8" at that particular moment while some other saluran was filled with people queuing up.. Ateh even complained saying " Patut kau first timer, rasa feel mengundi.. Ni mengundi sensorang.."😂

But as long as I did my part, who cares if I don't get the feeling I'm supposed to..? haha.. 

To be honest, I'm not a bias of any party.. Right from the start, I was completely neutral but if I you're asking me about my state, Negeri Sembilan, I would definitely vote for BN, just because Dato' Seri Mohammad was the best that we ever had..  I even told my sisters that if he's competing to be the PM, he would definitely be in my list and I won't even look on others.. I love how humble he was and how he could joke around with people.. He blended in just well.. 

But I'm not really sure on others.. I mean.. I don't really look up on others simply because I don't know or never been able to meet them in person but I do have a favor of a bit wanting to change, just to see what would it be if BN doesn't rule for once.. Would it truly be a better country..? Or would it be the worst..? Will they truly grant those countless words that they had been spreading around..? Won't there be any hidden agenda..? What would happen on the next 5 years..? And the most important thing, just what would happen in the future..? 

And seems like, we're changing this time, although it's not official yet.. Well at least, Negeri Sembilan is changing.. I'm not truly delighted that my state is not under my favorable MB anymore but oh well, I should give the new ones a chance.. Who knows it would be better..? All I could do is to pray that the decision was the best let's just hope for improvement, day by day.. 😉

Ps// dear tok mad, thank you for proving to us that you could lead us a better life.. You're the best, tok.. 🙏

One thing I love about life, is how Allah had organized our life in a meaningful way. It was a bumpy road for me since the middle of degree as I started to be in depression despite I tried my best to live my life to the fullest. Things seemed bothersome to me and I started not to be me.I started to get impatient and things get so wrong when I couldn't voiced out my feelings at all...