Last chapter of the year..! It feels surreal, realizing that this year is coming to the end.. Finally, the first solid year of me being here after years of leaving this space... 2017 had been everything, of success and failure.. Of tears and laughter.. But I wouldn't deny it's a year filled with thousands of spices... Here are some bittersweet memories of 2017..!

I thought my blogging spirit would leave in a minute, just like the previous year, but hey~ I'm still here.. ! It feels so good to be here, expressing my thoughts and emotions;  this space really soothes my soul.. I even made a huge decision by stepping out from my comfort zone by having a domain of my own.. Well, let's just hope that it's a sign that I would be here for quite some time.. And to be honest, I didn't expect to have anyone to read my rants but I'm honored to have you guys as my backbone..Thank you so much, everyone whom had been supporting me till now...!😭

• Graduated Diploma in Tesl 

I've finally ended my diploma with flying colors and to be honest, I'm still in disbelief that my war with my dad had ended.. After 4 and a half years, we finally made peace right after I received my diploma scroll.. Not only that, I was completely spoiled by my siblings; a special homemade cheesecake, 2 bouquet and "Solvil et Titus" watch..! It was the day where I kept telling myself, "you're completely blessed, Razanah Anis.."💕

• Losing my loved ones

"Tok"..

The thought that she's no longer around, I would have to say, I missed her a lot.. It was never easy to lose someone whom puts the best faith in you, and I had been holding to the memories that I had created with her.. I even dreamt of her, twice, and for both dreams, I could see her face clearly, smiling to me... Even my mom was shocked to know that I had met tok in my dream.. She is and always be the most special person in my life..💘

New Koala Bear
Oh well, I might had lost one of my loved ones but I'm adding another one this year too.. This little sweetheart surely an alive koala as she really love to sleep on me.. Nur Aisyah Hannan, you gonna love me as I'm your fun mashu whom would be spoiling you with lots of cartoons but in the same, you'll be annoyed as I love to tease my little ones as well.. Get ready, kay..?

• School Practicum

These kids were another blessings in my life.. Being a practicum teacher for 3 months was a roller-coaster of my life but they had been my everything ever since then... They made me laughed a lot, and stressed out a lot too but in the end of the day, I wouldn't trade my love for these kids with any other students.. I loved them so much till I kept telling myself, "These are my babies and they will always be, till the end.."

ps: There's actually another two classes that I taught but this is the most decent photos in my gallery and as u can see,they're over excited with camera.. So yeah.. 😓

• First Vacation with Friends

Another best memories that I had this year.. I'll just hope that this wouldn't be the last memory that I had created with them.. Let's just hope for many more years of friendship, and Insya-Allah, till the end..

Dear 2017, you had been a blast year for me and although you brought me down for awhile with the death of my loved ones.. I would still say thank you for reminding me that there's no year without hardships and the pain had changed me into a better self... Well, not completely as I'm still struggling but I will try my best to stay strong.. Welcome 2018..! Feel free to step in but could you please shine up my life with more sparkles✨ and rainbow🌈, as 2017 had gave it best, I really hope you would too..!Well, not only for me but for everyone.. Shall you..? ❤

8.24 p.m: 19/12/2017

Assalammualaikum.. 

There are certain moments...
where words are meant to be spilled...
And that's when..
Love is getting nourished...

But..
There are times...
Where words are meant to be kept..
Love are meant to become the secret of heart..
And that's when...
The fear conquers it all..

The affliction of getting rejected..
The distress of losing someone we adore..
And the discomfort of continuing the relationship that we had..

That's how..
These unspilled words..
Conquers everything..
With the hope that nothing changes..

But deep inside...
It's crying...
Dying to be spilled out..
Hoping for something amazing...

The questions is...
Will these unspilled words...
 Remain in silence..?

1.22 a.m : 14/12/2017

Assalammualaikum.. I wanted to find a job while waiting for January to appear, as my degree would only started at the end of January next year... As I was viewing the insta story, an old friend of mine promoted a vacancy and the office is located at the North Tower of The Gardens..

To cut the story short, I only manage to pass the first session and didn't even get for an interview as they sent me back immediately.. There was a slight of frustration inside me. but there's the other side of me that remains so calm, since I had been praying for Allah to ease my journey, if the job was meant for me.. 

I'm always the laziest person in the family, I didn't study as much as my other siblings did, I didn't bother of getting number one in every school examination, I didn't care about my homework at all but one thing or sure, I always perform with big examinations.. I had a record of having a boyfriend since form 4 and I manage to keep the secrets till SPM results came out, freaking everyone out that I could still manage to get good results... That is how surprising I could be.. 

When I decided to stop ACCA and proceed to TESL, my dad freaked out the most.. He could not look at me, his eyes were filled with anger and there's no comforting words coming from his mouth and he keep depressing me on things.. He even sent a text filled with points of how I made a huge mistake, how my life would be a hell in the future and my biggest supporter atm, Ateh, had to face his anger too.. She called me, crying and begging me to perform my best, hoping that I could show to my dad that it was never a mistake...

28/10/2017, the day that would change everything finally showed up.. He didn't realize that my convocation was coming, giving me a signal that he didn't bother of it at all.. Everything was still awkward at first, he didn't show his smile at all, and we only look at each other awkwardly.. When it was the moment for me to come up on the stage, I had been chanting;

That's what I've been repeating in my heart, and Alhamdulillah, everything went smoothly.. When I finally came down to meet my family, I could see how Ateh had been focusing at the escalator, eager to find me.. And there's a person, looking at me warmly with a smile on his face.. A smile that I had been missing for years.. That's when I know, I finally did it.. !

Pa.. I'm sorry for being the most rebellious kids in your life.. I'm sorry for not granting your dream, even when you had faith in me.. I know how much you had hopes in me but I was afraid if I would fail in the end.. I didn't want to be the black sheep of the family and that's why, I'm trying my best to make a u-turn.. It was never an easy journey, without your blessings.. But it was a wonderful journey and seeing the success that I had made, seeing how I manage to make you smile in the end, it was the best feeling I have ever had.. I was hoping that I could have the ANC award for you but, it's impossible without your blessings but Allah helped me to be among the first class students.. And thankfully, that's enough for me to put a smile on you..There will be more for you pa...Always for you.. 💕

I'm losing my writing tempo.. I had been on this site for days, trying to figure what and how should I write.. That's the consequences that I had to face after abandoning this personal space for like, almost a month..? Okay not really a month but checking my achieves, I could have posted more that what had been posted.. 

Well, life had been busy.. September was filled with a slump.. As I'm thinking back, I really had nothing to be done but somehow, the time ain't waiting me at all.. I had been filling my life catching up with my korean dramas, spending my time with my family and I promised that will get back to this on October..

However, my October was filled with the routine of traveling back and forth from Seremban to KL. The route to convocation ain't easy.. There were various forms to be settled down, and coincidently, one of my sister was admitted to the hospital due to her pregnancy.. She stayed there for almost 2 months till she popped out only recently, a week after my convocation.. Due to that, my days were filled with baby sitting my niece and nephew whom my parents had been taking care off, as both of my parents had to spend their evening at the hospital, accompanying their child which is, of course, my sister..😂

And somehow, my days became more disaster when the eye infection appeared for more than a month as I had blabbed before.. To those whom had been wishing for my wellness, thank you so much.. It's still there but getting better now.. 💕

So, since I'm losing my tempo, please ignore my gibberish post today as I'm just writing random stuff, hoping to get my tempo back.. And I guess it's already running to me right now.. Let's just hope I'll be writing again in this next 2-3 days.. 😂😂

Assalammualaikum..

If you had read my Chapter 9, you might know that I used to be on Atkins diet for some period.. However, the problem that I had been facing while doing Atkins was that I could barely hold myself from being strict of avoiding the carbs.. I could resists the rice but I could not stop myself when it comes to kuey teow or pasta and as the matter of fact, there're times where I want to spent my money at the bakeries.. That's when I realized that Atkins is no longer ideal for me..

Luckily, I had another idol in this diet world as one of my sister used to be part of JK1M which was lead by Kevin Zahri, and not suprisingly, it was a huge success for her.. She managed to enjoy her diet and eat her favorite foods at the same time.. That was when I decided to ask for her guidance and thanks to Allah, I'm enjoying it so much..! 

If you're familiar with Kevin Zahri ideas of having a handful of carbs and balancing with other nutrients needed during lunch or dinner, that's how I tried my best to stick with his ideas and came out with the idea of campak-campak cooking and here I am, sharing my campak-campak recipe..😂

Okay I guess it's enough of long introduction and let's jump straight to the recipe, shall we..?

Ingredients A: 

Chicken

**Wish-Bone Italian dressing 

** McCormick Grill Mates Montreal Chicken seasoning 

Ingredients B:

Boiled Pasta 
Olive Oil

Pink Rock-salt 

**Broccoli

**Cherry Tomatoes

**Shredded Button Mushroom

PS:// the ingredients marked ** indicates that it could be replaced with other seasonings /veggies that you want.. 

How to cook..? okay this is awkward.. How should I write the steps..? 😅

1. Mix up all of the Ingredients A in a bowl, just to season the chicken.. You could also season it with only salt and pepper a.k.a whatever you've in the kitchen.. 

2. Heat up your pan and pour in some olive oil..

3. Put in the chicken and grill it for awhile.. 

4. As the chicken is almost cooked fully, fill up the pan with broccoli and button mushroom.. 

5. Add in a bit of water to soften the broccoli, just to ensure that it's cooked fully..

6. Season it with some salt and add in the boiled pasta..

7. Lastly, add up the cherry tomato and leave it for 10 seconds before you turn off the stove.. (you could cook it longer if you prefer cooked tomatoes..)

The result of my campak-campak cooking..Feel free to give me the feedback if you had try this recipe.. hehe..  Well, I just couldn't have enough of this and loving it so much..! it's okay to praise your own cooking, right..?💅

Assalammualaikum

Assalammualaikum..

I tried my best to enjoy my life before my school practicum ends by catching up the movies lined in the cinema and even few hours before I'm back to Seremban, I manage to steal some time to watch one of the movies below with my students.. So, these 4 was the latest movies that I had watched but I think some of them are not available in cinemas anymore.. Yeah, I'm always late on this matter but it's okay and let's just proceed to the review..  😙

Assalammualaikum..

Note: You might want to refer to this entry before reading this..

 " Tok... Anis balik dulu tau.."

The old lady whom had not been waking up since the moment I came just nodded her head with her eyes remained closed.. I kissed her cheeks but refused to walk away, not till I managed to ask for her blessings from the one that I trusted the most.. 

"Tok... Anis dah nak kerja.. Tok doakan anis dapat kerja tau..."

The eyes that had been closed almost throughout the day, suddenly awake, she gathered her strength to sit  and with a smile, she replied, 

"Betul ka..? Tok doakan... Cucu Tok mesti dapat kerja.."
"Tok kena kuat tau... Bagi cepat sihat.. Nanti Anis dah kerja, Anis boleh bawak Tok jalan-jalan..."

Without saying anything, she nodded and smile.. As I was about to left, I peek at her whom was trying to sleep again and I tried to joke around with her...

"Tok, tambah doa... Doakan dapat jodoh.." 

She smiled meaningfully at me and laid back on her bed, trying to get her rest.. Two days later, as I was just get back from the school and just about to have a quick dinner, I received a news that Tok had just passed away...

Assalammualaikum and hello everyone... Okay this is awkward.. Well I know I'd been missing  for quite some time but trust me, I've been dying to write but somehow, lots of things had been happening and these few weeks had been killing me slowly.. There were lots of tears compared to laughter but oh well, I survived them all... Anyways, let's keep it for a while and just focus to the main topic first, aite..? 

For those whom're not new to my life, you might remember that I've been trying to save up more this year and Vase had been helping me bit by bits... However, for those whom had been signing up with vase, you might notice that it's not really active anymore and I could barely receive any offer from it.. Thus, I came out with a solution to find another websites which provides money by answering simple surveys and to be frank, I've been joining it since early last year but as usual, I won't share it unless I've received the proof of it's effectiveness..

Assalammualaikum..

I hate leaving my blog empty for more than a week, simply because I know in the end, I would slowly disappear and leave this blog forever (one of the reason why I had been debating with myself in having my own domain).. Anyways,  I'm not writing any vagary for today since I'm actually quite occupied for this whole week, with lots of life drama to be settled down but luckily, Tqa Wu had tagged me to receive this award, so here it is, another question tags about my life..! ☺

11 Questions From Tqa

"Teacher, saya nak bagi duit ni kat teacher.." 

"Eh, what is this for..? A duit raya. for me.?"

"Ha'ah.. Teacher simpan je la teacher.."

Hasyir's sudden gift managed to caught her heart..It might be just a small amount of money to some people, but the random kindness had touched her heart.. On the next day, she visits the class, asking her students to hand in the books, and Chinta immediately approached her..

"Teacher, nah singgit.."

"Eh.. Dah kenapa ni..?"

"Teacher cakap semalam kalau tak hantar, denda singgit.." 

Well, she had forgotten about it at the first place, simply because she didn't mean it.. But when the students reminded her, she didn't want them to think that she's someone that could be messed with, so with heavy hearted she accepted the money and keep in a separate place, so that she won't use the money for herself but she would use the money to by extra rewards for her students.. Hasyir walked while smiling to her, holding the RM1 notes, this time, there're 3 pieces of it.. 

"You didn't finish your work too, Hasyir..?"

"Tak.. tapi cikgu ambil je la RM3 ni.. Mak saya suruh bagi duit raya kat cikgu, boleh pakai buat beli buku.." 

His random statement made her wonder, what did he told his mother about his new practicum teacher.. Another student approached her..

His statements left her in guilt.. What should she say..? How could she respond to that..?

Vagary 2 : 4 Mutiara
She had been watching the girl since the morning as she had to relief the class.. Everyone had been enjoying themselves, playing the games during PJ lesson but the little had been sitting alone at the corner.. She tried to approach the little girl but there's no voice responding to her questions.. 

Vagary - an unpredictable instance, a wandering journey.. It's all about the bittersweet of life, the school memories that is ought for her to ponder about and this is just a part of the vagary of Razanah Anis..  

It was the first day of Eid and she was in the car, on the way to Malacca to visit her late-grandmother's sister.. It was a dull trip and to kill the boredom, she started to scroll down her Instagram.. Well, what else could she expect from the timeline besides the family portrait and eid selfies, right..? As her fingers started to move faster, a unique picture with interesting captions captured her attention.. It's a dark-blurry picture of a brother helping his younger brother to wear the sampin, which to her, it was one of the sweetest gesture of sibling bonds..

Sesi wajib setiap pagi raya. Aku tak pernah lulus ikat sampin sendiri. "Awak, tahun depan awak pulang tolong ikatkan sampin sampin ye..?" And the next sentence was his eid wishes to his friends..

The captions made her smile as she knew how he had always been secretive about his love life.. Knowing that he's giving a clue, revealing that he might be stepping into the new world, nothing could make her happier.. They're neither BFF nor just the normal friends as people might predict but the fond memories of having him as her blogging buddy, major supporter and writing advisor could never be forgotten..

"Selamat hari raya pak Jirul... Nak duit raya please...?"

Pak Jirul.. It was the name given by her, and sometimes,they would be calling each other as "Daniel-Larissa" as it was the main character of her novel but most of the time, they would address each other "wa-lu", as a sign of closeness..

"Bg acc no.. Nnt guwa transfer 💸.."

His response made her mind went blank.. It's been almost 3 years since the last time they talked to each other, and it's not the response that she expected.. But then she decided to just give it a go, she immediately DM-ed him her bank acc number..

"Assalammualaikum.. Memandangkan Pak Jirul dah bagi green light, wa tanpa segan silu nak bagi no acc ni.."

"Insya-Allah nanti wa bank in, tapi tak banyak ler.."

In less than 20 minutes later,

"Done..Mohon check akaun lu dengan kadar segera.."

She immediately checked her acc from the online banking system and found a transaction:

ATM MEPS IBFT FROM OFI 

DUIT RAYA 

MOHD AMIRUL BIN ****

2017

 Her hearts went wilder.. She never expected a real duit raya from him, not when they're not that close anymore.. She even expected that he had already forgotten her.. But yet, he managed to prove that she still exist in his memories..

"Thanks Pak Jirul...! Semoga murah rezeki..❤ Wa terharu dapat duit raya dari lu.."
"Amin.. Doakan aku dapat jd flight attendant.. ok.?"

And the conversation continues, catching up with each other's life and before the conversation ends, he asked,

"kalau lu tak jadi cikgu, lu nak jadi apa..? Novelis..?"

Dear Pak Jirul.. I doubt if you'd read this, when you no longer write on your blog.. But just allow me to express this here.. I do miss your writing, and I do miss how we would discuss about the life of Daniel, Zafrul and Larissa.. You would always helped me by role-playing the characters and getting into the world of my novel, together.. Knowing that you remember those characters and as you hoped that I'd complete it, I'd try my best to accomplish it..

About your dreams to become the flight attendant, I know you will get the job.. You're one of the good looking male-blogger that I used to know and remembering how well you dressed up during the gathering, you'd achieve the dream.. I'd always pray for your success, Pak Jirul.. And thank you for putting a smile and cherish my day.. Lastly, I hoped that we could always be the faraway-buddy, forever.. 😊

Okay, that's the first thing that crossed into my mind when I wanted to update this.. It's bothering me for not updating often but I'm struggling in coping with my practical life which had been a hell, to be exact... I missed writing, I missed blogwalking and reading my favorite blogs but with my current hectic situation, there's nothing I could do.. 😩

To be honest, I am counting down for the days to be over.. It's not that I hate being in school, but maybe I'm just too tired coping with everything.. My new rented house is not the best home I've ever live.. I'm just feeling empty, missing my other 6 girls which had been part of my life for 2 years and a half..! Besides that, living with an unfriendly sister, with some of technical issues with the house: clogged sink and unpaid Astro with only TV2 as freebies ( I had to watch an indian news without subtitles while taking my iftar), without Streamyx or Wifi connection, how could I be happy with the house..?!

On the other note, I'm still struggling to cope with school.. Imagine yourself, standing in front of the noisy crowds, struggling to ask them to behave and give their focus on you, shouting and begging for the cooperation and at the end of the speech, all you want to do is just have a sip of water but you just can't and all you could do is just to be on your bed till it's the time for iftar..  I could cry recalling those memories.. 😭

Despite the lackness of their focus I do love my students so much till I hate the fact that I had to scold them when they're not listening on me.. Yes, I had lose my temper to one of the class that I taught yesterday, when a group of girls didn't care about my lesson, keeping their heads on the table with blank faces, and when I asked them to lift up their head, all they would say were "Penat la teacher.."😑

The male students scolded them, but they just didn't want to do anything.. Feeling like crying, I tried to gain their interest by playing a game, asking them to change sit for a while, for the sake of the game... But then they just making the heartless faces, ignoring my instructions till in the end, I lost my temper and shouted to them.. That's only when they started to move their butts and follow my instruction.. Even by then, they just make a face to me and started to show their protests on me..  Just why did the government didn't allow us, the teachers to punish the kids..? They're spoiling them too much and creating a disrespectful generation, to be exact.. 😣

Okay guess I've ranting to much of useless things again and I'm just feeling awkward after long days of not updating.. I should stop here and hopefully, I could catch up with my writing tempo within this week, with a better mind, while I'm still on the holiday.. But for now, I guess it's not too early for me to wish my readers, Happy Eid al-Fitr Mubarak and may Allah bless your days with happiness.. 💕

Assalammualaikum.. Okay, I know I've been procrastinating a lot lately.. Ever since I'm back from Terengganu, my mind had been extra miserable.. I'm here, almost all of the time, and yet, I'm not passionate to do anything.. I was in a mad situation of confusing feelings between normal crush and or real feelings (Chapter 46), then the school practicum started and the facts that I'm not living with my housemates (Chapter 45) wrecked my emotions..

📺 Suspicious Partner

Synopsis: Bong-Hee (Nam Ji-Hyun) was judicial apprentice . One day, she caught her boyfriend Hee-Joon (Chansung), whom whom also her colleague, cheated on her with her classmate. Hurted to know the fact, she promised him that she would sleep with the next man she bumps into, Noh Ji-Wook (Ji Chang-Wook). However, she was too drunk and she's unsure if she did had the one night stand with him or not. Ji-Wook  whom was one of the best prosecutor, then became her leader of her training. However, everything became a mess when she was then accused of killing Hee-Joon, whom was found dead in her house while she was not home.

To be honest, this would be the first drama of Ji Chang-Wook that I watched.. I had fallen in love with his acting in Fabricated City and this drama made me love him even more.. His gloomy past made him to be charismatic and cool, but , as the time past by, he became a lil bit childish without his realization..  Meanwhile, Nam Ji-Hyun had became one of my favorable actress since I watched her acting in Shopaholic Louis so when this two duo were combined, how could I ignore them..? 😍

📺 Fight For My Way

Synopsis: A story of four best friends, Choi Ae-Ra (Kim Ji-Won), Ko Dong-Man (Park Seo Joon), Kim Joo-man (Ahn Jae-hong) and Baek Seol-hee (Song Ha-yoon) struggled in their journey of adulthood.

Currently in episode 6 out of 16 episodes..

📺The Best Hit / Hit The Top

Synopsis: Yoo Hyun-Jae (Yoon Si-Yoon) is a member of a popular idol group. He has a lot of fans and he is a scandal maker. Meanwhile, Lee Ji-Hoon (Kim Min-Jae) is an aspiring singer. He pretends to be studying for his civil servant exam, but he is actually struggling to become an idol.

To be honest, it's quite hard for me to describe this drama since there's a bit of time travel in this drama. It might be confusing at first but trust me, you will slowly get the relationship between the two main character.. One thing that is promising, it provides good laughter as it's a time travel to the future, which you know, it would be confusing for the people in the past, whom had no idea the future, to cope with current modernization.. Oh yes,shout out to Lee Kwang Soo lovers..! He appeared as the cameo in this drama.. 😋

P/s: Changing my template for a change of spirit and it works, I guess.?