Chapter 109: Exhaling Thoughts

Tuesday, October 15, 2019


First of all, I would like to say thank you to those whom wished on the condolences upon my dad.. May Allah return the kindness with His bless.. As much as I am in the hell of regrets and unstoppable messed up feelings of how much I am missing my dad, I am trying to survive as well... I still need to get myself straight to complete my fyp though I have to admit, my spirit is nowhere to be seen... I am keeping myself sane, but deep inside, I just wish I didn't have to go through all this anymore...

It is an unexpected struggle, and as much as I thought 2019 would be a rainbow of mine, I had to admit, I was wrong... I had already expected it to be a year of change, but not it terms of my status.. Not with the fact that my dad is no longer with me... A change in a way of life was all I wished but did I wished it wrongly..? Those flashbacks of memories, the last moment that I had with my dad, his smile, his serious face, his jokes upon his grandchildren, his voice.... and his caring attitude whenever I am not in good health, I am officially a lone survivor now... There's no one in my life whom could be more concern about me compared to him...  How do I get use to this...? What is the purpose of me struggling here...?  I wonder... And somehow, I could you my sisters answered, "Ibu... You still have ibu waiting to be served with love..." 

On the other hand... There's so much of studies that I need to catch up with me, bundles of assignments are waiting, it's already in the middle of the semester and yet, I had no progress with my fyp and God knows the roller-coaster ride that I am going through with my kakak... O' Allah, I wish nothing but strength and guidance for me to complete this journey... Just hold me tight and please don't let me escape from you anymore... Just keep me with you and show me the way to your rainbow of life... This is the deepest soul of mine, believing in your power and wishing upon your bliss... 😭💔 


  1. Losing someone that we cheer for, and someone who is very dear to use would never be easy. Heck, even when seeing them hurting would distract us from doing pretty much anything. It will be a tough ride for you to get over the fact that Arwah is in better place now but I really hope that you'd stay strong going through it. I hope you'll keep yourself as positive as possible and if things gets too difficult to handle, find someone that you can really trust to listen. Idk why but I'm literally crying while typing this T^T Be strong my dear, Allah has better plans and I know you're very strong to go through this!

  2. my heart ache for you. don't be too hard on yourselves. it's okay to take time for yourself. it's hard and no one can really understand that than you. i hope you'll feel better soon.

  3. Allah.. I pray that Allah grant His blessings and strength to you. InsyaaAllah He will guide you to complete the tasks you have. You still can connect to your father ; by doing good deeds and prayers for him. Take care, dear. You’ve got prayers from strangers. ❤️

  4. Hello! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any trouble with hackers?
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  5. It's going to be finish of mine day, except before ending I am reading this great paragraph to increase my experience.

  6. Banyakkan bersabar dan redhokan pemergiannya.
    Allah lebih sayangkan beliau.
    Pasti ada hikmah disebaliknya.
    Samalah kita dah takde ayah lagi :-(

  7. I lost my grandma a year ago. Still hard to accept the fact. It's not easy. Stay strong dear. And good luck for your fyp!