Chapter 104: Those Desperate Feelings

Wednesday, July 10, 2019


Have you ever been in the situation where you just want everything to be in place...? For once, No, basically thousand of times, I wish I am skinny and lately, this feeling is drowning me crazy... I guess I am just tired of going on and off the diet, I am just sick of holding myself back but slow in progress.. I am sick of going back and forth as if there is no ending for this crazy cycle of mine.. 

I started to feel even crazier when I was on my way back, and all of the sudden the thought of why can't anyone just at least, put the attention on me or at least, just look at me as a normal person..? Somebody once tried to speak to me in my journey back while riding the mrt, and he honestly pulled me down to God knows how much I'm crying inside.. 

He started the conversation by asking the time, and then he started the question by asking, "why is your bag smaller than your body..?", proceeded to " Do you have a boyfriend?",  "Have you ever been in relationship before" and the last question that pulled my spirit off, " why was he with you...? Is it because of money...? Are you rich..?"

That was just when everything hit me off, which I knew all he meant was, you're an overweight and please lose your fats or unless if you're rich, it would be a wonder if a guy ever wants to be with you... 

I really want to love myself more but how could I when the treatment that I get could barely made me appreciate myself even more..? To be honest, I am tired of hiding myself, being unmotivated just because of my size and I even told a friend of mine, I am desperate to lose weight and for once, I really want to succeed in this... I am tired, but just how could I stop when I could never be good to myself..?Maybe, if I did lose weight, I would stop suffering myself.. I guess..?


  1. For me, they have sickass mouth. Don't listen to people, but listen to yourself. If your body now caused much trouble in your health or anything related, you have to do something. If don't, it's up to you whether you want to change it or not. It's all depends on you, love yourself girl. Body size doesnt determine your beauty, your heart is. For me, body size and look are not something important, but personality. Your personality carries everything

  2. JAngan diet! Memang stress kalau diet. Tapi cuba EAT HEALTHY :) Cut air manis. And then banyakkan protein compared to carbo. Slowly but surely. InshaAllah :)

  3. Honey, you're beautiful just the way you are. In order to make people accept you for who you are, you have to accept yourself first. There's no wrong in wanting to be prettier but do it for yourself not others, especially not for that rubbish mouth of a man. <3

  4. A man like that is not a man at all. He was nothing short of rudeness and ill-considerate towards you. Whatever he said to you are invalid seeing where those words came from. I think you're beautiful and the thoughts you've shared on this blog has always inspired me. You're working on yourself for your own health and that effort takes a lot of grit and confidence. That's exactly what you have been doing all along. Don't let that man's words bring you down! He's nowhere near your level! We all believe in you! <3

  5. Dear , Hanis. You are beautiful as you are. Beauty is subjective dear. Beauty from within is a true beauty. After all , just ignore what people said . I know it is not easy but we need to just ignore people who giving us negative vibes . Just take the positive people. And, you have to learn to love yourself dear. Be strong okay <3

  6. That was so rude of him! He should have never said that to you.


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