Assalammualaikum... 

I had been typing and deleting for a few times but nothing feels right... The thoughts had been rushing through for quite a while, my heart had been pounding to write about her, a desire to pour out every single memory into this little space of mine... 

However, I'm not sure on how or where to start... There might be a slight glimpse of her in my past writing but it's hardly to be found... For years, my world revolves around my late papa; and she came first only right after he left.... 

"Ibu..."

Though she's the one who brought me into the world, I had to admit, we were hardly be on good terms. There's a hole inside me, scattered by her; but apparently, the thought of losing her terrifies me... If the string of bonding is visible, you might be able to see how messy the knot is. It's like... I love you but I hate you but I couldn't because you're my mother but sometimes I just couldn't stand you but again, you're my mother so I love you.... And a lot too! 

There's more about her, but I guess this is enough as an introduction of the queen in my life. I shall share more, later! 

Dearest ibu, Happy Belated 71st Birthday.. There's nothing more that I wished but for Allah to allow you to be with us a little longer; hopefully forever because Wallahi, I can never imagine my life without you and I didn't wish to! Kalau dulu, matlamat anis untuk buat papa bangga, kini matlamat anis untuk happykan ibu. Anis sayang ibu, sepenuh hati anis, selamanya... 

Till then,