Monday, August 6, 2018

Chapter 89: Lonely [#7SeriesofWriting]

credits: Nhienan
"We will be together, till the end of this journey.."
It was a promise that was meant to be broken...
It was believable, 
at least for that particular moment..
But nobody could predict the future..
Who knew we would end up like this..?

"Pull out yourself and hang onto this..!"
Well, she tried...
Oh, she thought she could...
But how could her...
When nobody puts out a hand..?

"How could we help when you don't even ask..?"
How could she signal them when she could barely breath on her own..?
It was the thoughts...
It was a battle of inner strength..
The unbearable screams..
Yelling for her to release everything...
Just how could her...?

So, slowly...
She dropped out herself.. 
She was defeated on her own...
She might be crying inside.. 
But it was her choice..

To be alone...
To be on her own...
She's just too tired of holding on...
But deep inside..
She's all lonely...

6/8/2018:10.35 p.m.

Sunday, July 29, 2018

Featured Chapters: Winners of Mystery Giveaway by Flavnesz !


Okay I know it took me so long to be here but then, it's better late than never, right? To be honest, I've been wanting to announce it but I had to delay and I only had the spirit to settle down by now... Well, just a quick update there's still more assignments in line so before I get to absorbed in it, let's just clear up this mess that I had made.. hehe.. Sorry guys...

Okay, so basically, my GA ended with 37 participants..! Okay, it's way more than I'm expected so I'm all over the moon... To those whom joined this and had invited me to support your GA at the same time, I'm sorry I'm fully occupied for these past few months and I believe it's already too late for me to join...πŸ˜”

Okay, so here's all the list of participants with their number... 
Okay so basically, there will be 3 lucky person but I won't reveal the prize since it's a mystery but here's a quick clue; something of my obsession.. If you guys had been reading up of the chapters, you might truly get the gist... 

Anyways, let's just get to main part, shall we..?

Winners of Mystery Giveaway by Flavnesz 
Lucky person #1:Farhana Jafri
Lucky person #2: Beyoutaeful

Lucky Person #3: Zahra 

Extra: Special gift for the first participant, Hana..! 

Okay, so that's it.. Four lucky person for my first GA..For those whom doesn't win, I'm sorry but let's just hope I had something extra so maybe there would be another GA..? Still, thank you guys for the support..Hee..To the winners, feel free to drop me your details via email within 2 weeks:

Saturday, June 23, 2018

Chapter 88: Kenangan Terindah #8


I guess I had dump this site for too long till everything felt awkward for me.. It's like, I wanted to write about my eid, by I guess I should just calm down till I get the writing momentum back.. But again, I don't want to break the record of no post at all for a month, and I do realize there are two challenges that I had been procrastinating on; "#7SeriesofWriting" which there's still 6 series that I should complete and last but not least, "The 30 Songs Challege" which I had abandon it for months...! So let's just get back to these challenges, shall we..?

#8: song of friendship
If you had been following my old chapters, you might know from one of the post that I was previously a bully victim in school.. Not physically but emotionally, due to my size.. However, I used to have a best friend which I had known her since standard 5,  and we had spend almost every spare moment together.. We became best friends when we were in standard 6 and went to the same high school..However, everything started to change only when she moved out to Kelantan when we're in form 2... School was literally hard without her, as she was literally, my life and people started to treat me badly only when she left.. We were never in the same classes  but every empty moments was filled by her.. 

Before she moved out, she left me a letter, and along with it was a lyric of her favorite song and also her best jam, "Kenangan Terindah" which somehow, relates to the situation and yes, she's part of my best memory.. 

To be honest, we do still keep in touch with each other.. It's just, we barely talks now due to distance.. But trust me, she's still the best I ever had.. Well, how could I forget her when we even shared part of our name together, right, Anis Enne Nuramira..?
Just for you to know, you're always the best I ever had and I do wish for your all time happiness.. I love you.. πŸ€—

Monday, May 21, 2018

Chapter 87: Twenty-Fourth


credit: pascalchampion's deviantart
Happy 24th years of breathing dear self... There's still no sweet treats for you since it's a holy month and you're still on holiday but hey, at least you got plenty of love for today... The most heart-warming moment was to know how much love people had been feeling for you and in the end, you just realized that you're still important to them.. For the positive vibes that you had been spreading, congratulations dear self.. For the negativity that you had in life, may you slowly learn how to tune it into a positivity.. Nobody is perfect, but this growing process of yours may affect others too so please, cope with it well.. It's a new life waiting ahead, more adventurous moment waiting for you, or perhaps, a prince charming would be appearing soon..? Who knows, right..? Just don't stop having faith in you.. Keep chasing your dreams, have a wonderful journey and I'll definitely see you again in another year with the same date, okay dear self..? Just remember, no matter what you did or whatever awaits in the future, I'll always love you..

With love, 

Sunday, May 13, 2018

Chapter 86: Love [#7seriesofwriting]

chapters by flavnesz
credits: grafolio
"I tried to put this in words... In a secretive way... But those memories were too good, that I hate for it to be a secret..."

"Why don't you tell this directly..?"
"Why can't I do it indirectly..?"

"You need to express it.. It's now or nothing... Signal him something...! Come on...!"
"But HOW..?! What if he's too blind to see it..? Or.. What if I'm just too late..?!"

"Or... What if he's reading this now..? Shouldn't you just write this..?"
"Even if he's reading this now, would it change anything..?"

"Don't you love him..?"
"How do I define that word in the first place..?"

"Okay.. Let's start with this... Do you even like him from the start...?"
"No... I disliked him at the first glance.. Those tiny eyes and serious expression doesn't charmed me at all but my friend thought he was attractive.."

"And now...?"
"What do you mean by now..? It's been months since the last time I met him.."

"Okay, faulty question.. And then..?"
"Can't you just stop playing around..?!"

"Okay... I don't know why but I can't stop thinking of him, although it's been months since things ended.. I kept thinking how charismatic he was whenever he's doing his duty.. Such a flaming charisma.. However, he had a cheeky smile and attitude which I only realized after we got to communicate to each other.Those eyes which annoyed me at first, is something that I admired the most now..  There are times he would seek for my help and I could never say no to him, and there are times where I felt like he purposely did the thing just to trouble me but somehow, I'm delighted to do the work for him.. And out of my realization, I kept looking for him in silence throughout the end of my days..."

"Well.. It ended.. Your only source of happiness had ended.."
"Umm.. Not really.."

"Well, we followed each other on soc-med and seeing his name is enough to make my day.. Just enough to make me smile for the whole day.."

"Doesn't that just define what you've been feelings..?"

"Love.. Back to your question.. How do I define love...? The answer is this feeling of yours is something we called love.. He made your day in silence, and you just can't stop thinking of him.."

"What if.. He's just a crush..? Maybe I just admired him.. That's all.."

"How long has it been since the last time you met him..?"
"8 months"

"If he's just a crush, shouldn't it be over now and you should be having a new crush right after the new life started... The thing is, it hasn't over yet and you kept hoping for his presence in silence.. If that's not something that you could call love, then, what is it..?"

written by;
-Flavnesz @ Chapters_ 2.05 a.m.-

Thursday, May 10, 2018

Chapter 85: New Gov....?


I'm planning to update some poetry or other stuff but hey, my first voting experience should be potrayed here, just a reminder for myself how it was voting for the first time.. Oh wait, I'm not that eager actually.. I was too lazy to get out today and the first thing that crossed out my mind was, "Can't I just stay at home..?"

Yeah.. I'm not in spirit of voting although I'm the first timer, just because I don't want to queue up under the hot weather. But then, it was my obligation as the Malaysian citizen to vote so yeah, I did get off my bed and followed my sisters to the school for voting.
from left: me, ateh and kak chik :p

We went there before lunch hour and luckily, all of us settled within an hour. To best part..? Mine settled in less than 10 minutes, simply because there's no one on the line and I was the only person that went to "saluran 8" at that particular moment while some other saluran was filled with people queuing up.. Ateh even complained saying " Patut kau first timer, rasa feel mengundi.. Ni mengundi sensorang.."πŸ˜‚

But as long as I did my part, who cares if I don't get the feeling I'm supposed to..? haha.. 

To be honest, I'm not a bias of any party.. Right from the start, I was completely neutral but if I you're asking me about my state, Negeri Sembilan, I would definitely vote for BN, just because Dato' Seri Mohammad was the best that we ever had..  I even told my sisters that if he's competing to be the PM, he would definitely be in my list and I won't even look on others.. I love how humble he was and how he could joke around with people.. He blended in just well.. 

But I'm not really sure on others.. I mean.. I don't really look up on others simply because I don't know or never been able to meet them in person but I do have a favor of a bit wanting to change, just to see what would it be if BN doesn't rule for once.. Would it truly be a better country..? Or would it be the worst..? Will they truly grant those countless words that they had been spreading around..? Won't there be any hidden agenda..? What would happen on the next 5 years..? And the most important thing, just what would happen in the future..? 

And seems like, we're changing this time, although it's not official yet.. Well at least, Negeri Sembilan is changing.. I'm not truly delighted that my state is not under my favorable MB anymore but oh well, I should give the new ones a chance.. Who knows it would be better..? All I could do is to pray that the decision was the best let's just hope for improvement, day by day.. πŸ˜‰

Ps// dear tok mad, thank you for proving to us that you could lead us a better life.. You're the best, tok.. πŸ™

Thursday, May 3, 2018

Chapter 84: Another New Life

One thing I love about life, is how Allah had organized our life in a meaningful way. It was a bumpy road for me since the middle of degree as I started to be in depression despite I tried my best to live my life to the fullest. Things seemed bothersome to me and I started not to be me.I started to get impatient and things get so wrong when I couldn't voiced out my feelings at all...

The urgency of taking care of others' feelings, the "what if's" wouldn't stop lingering in my mind and slowly, I took the blame on my own. I slowly voiced out my feelings to kak chik and ateh, two of my best sister and thankfully, they do take my feelings as their biggest concern.

That was when Ateh voiced out for me to live alone, stop bothering on others and be independent. It was not an easy decision for me and the search ain't easy as the house that I lived was way too good to let it go. RM230 fully furnished with WIFI, 4 minutes in walking distance to college so why else would I go?

The only trouble that I had was there's no study table and I had to go out if I want a comfy study space, which Sunway Velocity Mall foodcourt was my study port whenever I want to jot down some notes and going there requires me to call the "Grab" and again, it's a waste of money as you know, "Grab" had less promotion compared to "Uber". Yes Grab, I'm complaining on you..!

However, The single basis room was too pricey and the cheap ones were too far from the college and each time I'm comforting myself, "It's okay, you could just use the lrt, and just think that crossing the pedestrian bridge as your exercise" but then here's my kak chik asking, "Rumah tu dekat tak dengan kolej? Mana lagi senang and dekat ? Ape cons dia?"

And the new search began.. I almost gave up and wanted to just close my heart and stay but then again, Allah surely know your feelings the best and He always helps you in a way you could hardly believe. I told myself, "This is it. If I can't find a room by this week, I won't leave.. It would just means I'm meant to be here till the end.." 

Just before the day ended, I found an advertisement of rental room within my budget and it's just a few meters futher away but still in the same housing area and I could still walk to my college using another route! I was so eager and the moment I told kak chik and ateh, they're like, "Jangan excited dulu, kitorang yang nak kena dahulukan deposit. Meh gamba bilik semua" and kak chik was like "Mana lagi murah?" while ateh kept backing me up, claiming the room was the standard cheapest price for single basis but thankfully once kak chik saw the room's picture, she responded, "Okay, boleh pindah".

I was totally all over the moon when kak chik gave the green light. It iss not a luxury room with luxury stuff but it's just perfect enough for me. The girl was kind enough to leave her bed and study table behind and she kept asking me, "Awak sure nak meja ni? Kita kutip meja ni orang buang, tapi elok lagi, so kita amik and balut dengan pembalut hadiah je but it's usable." and I eagerly answered, "Nak! I memang nak meja study". 

So right now, I'm already in my new room, eager to fill and decorate this little heaven of mine with just something that I need but since my exam is coming in few days, I should wait for awhile. It's just a new journey of mine and somehow, it's just felt so good to be here. I'm feeling alive, well at least, for now and hopefully, till the end of degree. 

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Chapter 83: Rambling Minds


Being someone in ones life is a pleasure.. To be called as friends, the acceptance in a group is something I belief, everyone's hoping for..But one thing that I hate about life,is that people could change in a blink of the eyes... I was once yelling to be back to the place where so called "home", a place where I felt I'm belong into... But right now.. Those excited feelings ain't there anymore... Everything... Just.. Felt.. So.. Wrong... 

It's getting awkward, day by day.. Those eyes.. Ain't pleasurable for me anymore.. All I could feel was a pretense, just like I had been doing some sort of mistakes and those unwanted feelings just getting stronger... I tried to comfort myself as if it was just my random feelings but how could this  unwanted feelings increase it's power every single day..? In the end, I'm just left out in depression of my own.. 
"Should I confront about this..?""
 Should I just discuss about this matter..?"
"What if it would made things worst..? I'm gonna need to meet them for at least, till the end of next year.."
In the end, this feelings remains in silence and the only solution that I could see, is to me to move out and find a little heaven, just for myself... It might be a little lonely, without them but at least, I'm not losing any of them directly.. Right..? And at least, we're good till the end, just what they had promised to me.. Let's just hope it would.. Guys... If any of you are reading this, I just want to let you guys know that I just love you guys so much that I don't want argue or be awkward with any of you...  Let's just stay friends till the end..😊

Friday, March 30, 2018

Chapter 82: Why Would I...?

credit: Grafolio

They say..

"Just be yourself..!"
"Let people accept you for who you are..!"
"Never change yourself for others..!"
"People may judge but there will still be people whom loving you..."

And I said...

"If people do accept me for who I am.."
"Why am I still losing ones day by day...?"
"Why do that person kept putting a gap between us..?"
"Am I that horrible..?"

"Well, it's just means that the person ain't the best in your life.."

What if...
It's just me whom really need to change..? 
Just maybe, I act in my worst..
And maybe.. 
I should change to be a better version of my own..
Don't you think so..?

And my mind answered, 
"Who are you trying to flatter to..? Yourself... or others..?"

Just right after, the heart whispered,
"Can't you just stop thinking on others and just love yourself more..? It's your responsible to produce the best version of you and each person do have flaws.. Stop judging yourself but keep constructing a better you.. If it's not you, who else would..?"

Dearest self...
If people kept leaving, it might not because of you...
It might be because of themselves..
It was their flaws of not accepting you for who you are...
Stop concerning on others...

But never neglect any advices..
Change when you could..
Accept it when you would...
But stop forcing yourself...
That's how your life should be..
written by;
Flavnesz @ Chapters

Friday, March 23, 2018

Featured Chapters: Dealing With English and IPTA/IPTS Presentation Tips for Introverts..


As usual, I would be in awkward position, every single time I'm back to this space.. My life as a degree student was not a leisure anymore, as I had been spending my weekends by jotting down the notes for each subject and I had been forcing myself for not lazing around anymore.. I'm truly determined to gain at least 3.5 for every semester and I'm really working hard for it.. I do get distracted sometimes, being emotional and whatsoever but Alhamdulillah, I'm definitely growing up in composing myself and to ignore the irrelevant matters..

To those whom still reading my entries, leaving the comments and stuff, thank you so much.. I still can't do some blogwalking for this particular moment, as there's more notes waiting me to be jotted down but I truly promise you that I will definitely visit you guys once I sorted out this busy life of mine.. Just bear with me for awhile, will ya...? ☺

Anyways, since the SPM results had just been released and I had received a comment asking for advice of how I dealt with presentations and stuff, and I was thinking, why not..? I'm all up to share my tips with you and hopefully, it could be hopeful to those whom really afraid of stepping out from the comfort zone. 

1.How to boost up the confidence in speaking English..?
I do know some of you are afraid to speak English just because of the grammar error itself but actually, there's only one way to solve this problem. 

Start speaking and stop concerning on the grammar itself... People might judge, and typical Malays might laugh at you but to be honest, even some of the non-Malays and as the matter of fact, there are English netizens whom didn't speak proper English.. So why should you be afraid..? Major of these English speakers don't even bother on your grammar error so calm down.. Start speaking English, be confident that your English is good and I promise, you would notice that your grammar would slowly improving from time to time.. Practice makes perfect, remember..? 

2. How do I deal with the presentations..?
This is something that is hard for me to answer but I would try my best to help... hahaha.. So.. How do I deal with them eh..? One thing about me when it comes to presentation is that I don't practice anything at all. I think practicing ain't helpful since it would only put me in tense. So, how do I present..?

I always belief that understanding is the best instead of memorizing and with that principle, I manage to perform my presentation without bringing any paper for me to read. I always put only the keywords on the slides and let my brain do the rest. Well, this method helps me in gaining extra marks actually, since there's nothing for me to read, so by hook or by crook, all I need to do is to speak all the points from my own knowledge regarding the keywords from the slide. This method might seems impossible to you but trust me, never underestimate the power of Understanding. You might be impressed with your brain when you applied this method but of course, this method needs to be paired with confidence.. 

Umm.. Group presentation ain't a favorable task to me as I need to compose myself hard just to avoid arguments with the group members. Most of the time, these group works were evaluated individually, based on the teamwork and how you presented your part so I tried my best to perform on my part and yeah, helping the mates if I should... That's it..! Just make sure you know something extra instead of focusing on your part only.. Knowledge is always a bonus, remember that..!

3. How to be confident during presentation..?
Being an introvert, it's not easy for me to do the presentation.. You might be thinking; 
"She don't practice,no notes in hand and she just put keywords on the slides, therefore she must be having a high confident level.." 

Uhh.. No.. I'm a huge introvert by myself and I hate facing the crowds.. Presentations do made me  drowned in the nervous sea and I always make sure to do two things at the start of the presentation..

1. Pray for an ease and state in the Dua' why you should nail it. 

2. Find someone whom could help you to feel at ease..It could be your friends, or someone that you barely know and he/she is focusing on you but yet, you could remain in calmness.. Avoid looking at your crush or anyone that might pull of that nerve of yours.. Well, I always had a prince charming that manage to help me in calming down my nerve and if he's not around, I just have to find another person and normally, I'd just have to find a familiar face..πŸ˜‚

Well.. I guessed I answered all of your questions, Ayuni and just in case there's more in your mind, feel free to drop your questions in the comments below.. I'm up for anything and willing enough to answer it.. About tesl, kuptm or whatsoever..Till we meet again and please pray for my degree journey, guys...  πŸ˜†

Saturday, March 10, 2018

Chapter 81: Count on Me


I'm not in a good condition within this past few week.. I'd been dealing with various internal conflicts and obviously, I'm fighting with the negativity inside me.. I was smiling and laughing all the way but deep inside, it's empty.. Even my favorite lecturer noticed my misery and yet, I kept convincing her that I'm okay..

"Razanah Anis dah besar kan..?"
" Kenapa mengada sangat ni..? Benda kecik je pun..."
"Dah la.. Tolong la jadi matang.."

I kept chanting those phrases with the hope that I'd be okay but, no.. Nothing works for me till one day, I woke up early while everyone was asleep and look for Him... In the darkness, I cried upon Him, begging for the best strength in me and the next thing, I'm feeling as light as the feather..

You can count on me like one two three..
I'll be there..
And yes I know could always count on Him as He was and will always be there, willing and waiting for any cries of help..  One biggest thing that I believe that every Muslim should be grateful to be His servant and to be able to depend on Him.. Afterall, He's that one true "friend" that would never leave you in misery as long as you're with Him.. Right..? ☺

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Chapter 80: Chocolate, Anyone..?


Okay I know I had been hibernating for too long..! Well, the time had been moving quite fast lately and I had been losing myself, trying to cope with my new life as a degree student.. Well, we had  been missing out 3 weeks of lecture as we need to settle down with the credit transfers and stuff, the lecturers had to speed up the lectures and here I am, still losing myself and struggling to pull myself together.. 

So far, out of 5 subjects that I'm taking, there's only two that I could cope out fully and there's other 3 that I need to chase up with..! But no worries, I will try my best to catch up with them.. While I barely breath with my studies, I tried to gain some side income by selling the chocolate crisps and here I am, struggling to balance my life as a student and as a businesswoman..? Okay that sounds awkward but shout out to all of the chocolate lovers out there, I'm selling some yummilicious chocolate here and I bet you would really love it..! 

It was actually a homemade rice crisps made by my sister's bff, and she offered me a jar when she saw my graduation day picture that was posted on fb.. I'm not a fan of this kind of chocolate at first, as my first trial wasn't as good as I expected; the rice crisps was not crispy as it should be and the chocolate was in solid state.. But once I received this jar, little do I know I would love it till bits..! In fact, some of my classmates whom're quite new to me, were being skeptical as well but once I offered a spoon as tester, they immediately grab a jar and some even bought two jars at once..! And they had been repeating orders again and again..! 😍

Just in case you're tempted with this unexpected self ads, feel free to support me by placing your order via whatsapp and please support my business ig: @Aunibitezkuptm .. 

p/s: I'm sorry for not being able to do some blogwalking but please bear with me.. I'll definitely do some blogwalking when I'm able to.. 

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Chapter 79: Rainbow or Rain..?


credit picture: Grafolio
There's a silent soul... 
 Yelling for help.. 
 Hoping for anyone to heard the inner soul.. 
 But non could be heard... 

 "Live your life to the fullest..!"
 It was the easiest phrase... 
 But not the easiest act.. 

 "Breath... No one lives in leisure..." 
 If people do define life as heaven, 
 how do the word hell exist..? 
 But can't they just at least try to understand..? 

"I can't trust that gender anymore.. Each of them is the same..!"  
What about your parents then..? 
Can't you trust them too..? 
And even if you're a broken pieces... 
Can't you just trust in faith..? 

 "Can't you understand me at all..? I'm sicked of that gender..!" 
 Then, can't you accept the fact.. 
 That there's no rainbow without a rain...?
 But why are you blocking the rainbow from getting in now..? 
 Do you need more rain..?

 13/2/2018 : 01.00a.m

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Chapter 78: Balik Kampung #7


#7: Song to Drive to
It'll be just a quick update for today since this topic stuck me out... I'm not a driver in person and I'm the type whom would sing out to every single song that caught in my mind or I could just sing along with whatever that's being played.. I'm just simple that way.. However, to just accomplish this mission, the only song that caught my mind is "Balik Kampung" by Allahyarham Sudirman.. 

It's like the only song that would give the excite vibe, putting the eagerness on the way back to the hometown.. Well, nothing beats that I guess but I guess, my excitement for this song had vanish, since I'll not going back to any of my hometown anymore and celebrating eid in Seremban won't give the same vibe as I had in Pahang, with arwah Tok.. Okay why am I  distracted right now..?Let's just end it this way... πŸ˜…

P.s: No video since my rented house internet is quite a snail,  plus, it's only a "Balik Kampung" song and I don't want you to cry thinking of your hometown, not in these middle of the week.. πŸ˜‚

Sunday, February 4, 2018

Chapter 77: Blissful January


I've been meaning to write this since last Friday but I had been procrastinating a lot..! Well, I was fully occupied for the past few weeks; preparing myself for degree and I had just settled down with the registration, only by last week.. Alhamdulillah, everything went well so far and since my class might only start by this Monday,I should not delay myself even more and start writing instead..!

Blissful January was actually a dedication post for things that I should be grateful for..There are times I had been comparing life with other people, and sometimes, there's an evil feeling of dissatisfied with my life.. Well, it only ended recently when a friend of mine updated her Whatsapp's status with things she should be grateful for the day and I was thinking, why not..? 

So, here's some stuff that I should be grateful for January 2018:
  • Ibu's Birthday
homemade cheesecake and bihun sup tulang by sissy..😍
The first thing that I should be grateful for is that I still have "Ibu" in my possession... Well, I'm not her best daughter, I did rebel her instructions here and there but no matter what happened between us, she would always be my priority, besides papa.. To appreciate her more, my siblings and I planned a surprise party for her and to be honest, we're suck in it.. Papa was too worried that his wife might get moody with the surprise so he almost made everything failed but thankfully, it was still a success.. 🀣

  • I'm in good health
In order to complete my degree registration, I had to undergo a full medical check-up and to be honest, I was completely nervous for it.. I had a bad experience with it in the past, as I could not complete it immediately and I had to come back on the next day to accomplish it again.. Those memory affected my feelings a bit.. There're lots of "what if" in my mind but thankfully, everything went well..! I was afraid that I might inherit my father's diabetes or whatsoever due to my big size but Alhamdulillah, I'm clear from any of it.. I truly hope I will not inherit any of the disease and I'm truly determined to focus on losing weight this time, not for anyone but for my health..! 

  • Back to the girls

Officially the fourth year of friendship and living together in one roof..!I thought everything ended right after the convocation as some of us were uncertain either to proceed  with bachelor in KUPTM or IPTA but here we are, back to the same place, same house and Insya-Allah, more journey of friendship starts now... I could only hope it lasts longer, and hopefully to the end.. ❤️

  • Unending love from my former students
It was only past few days when I was watching the television, and suddenly my phone rang, showing an unknown number.. I picked it up and I was shocked to here cute voices of 3-4 person yelling, "Teacherrrrrr....!" 

Hearing their voices managed to put a smile on me and all they had been meaning to say was; "Teacher, kitorang rindu... Teacher kat mana..? Bila teacher nak datang ni..?"
"Soon guys.. Real soon..." πŸ˜˜

Ps:// I' ve been away for too long but would be doing some blogwalking as soon as possible, just not tonight.. πŸ˜…

Thursday, January 18, 2018

Chapter 76: Angel in The Night #6


#6: Song that makes you want to dance
Well, I'm not gonna deny that there're lots of other songs that could build up my dancing desire.. Crazy frog, Pitbull's collection, and even Despacito could filled up the sugar in me but all they provide are catchy musics with no storyline.. And even most of it were just filled up with random words just to fill up the song with something.. But the song below, is just something else...
ps: you might want to fast-forward it a bit as the song starts at 0:37

You are my light in the dark
You are the beating in my heart
But that is not enough
Will I ever be by your side

Your hair is dancing in the wind
Your eyes are burning off my skin
And I'm so happy when I see
That you are smiling back at me

You're leaving burn marks on the ground
Thank you God for what I've found
I don't know how, I don't know why
That you're my angel in the night

I'm not sure if you've heard of any of Basshunter's music but if you did. you'll discover stories behind those catchy musics.. "Angel in the night" is the first song of Basshunter that manage to caught my heart.. There's disco-techno vibe in his music that manage to hype me up by listening to his songs and at least, his songs provides good lyrics.. That's all matters to me.. 😍

Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Chapter 75: Devil at Heart

chapters by flavnesz
source: Yuuta-Apple

I've been trying to become a strange person lately..
I'm not sure if concern is the right vocab..
But I've been listening to random person problems..
And somehow..
I just felt sick of it..

It reminded me to my unwanted past...
I'm not affected emotionally but I was so furious listening to it..
"How to move on..?"
"Why do that person did this to me after years of love..?"
"I felt like just be in relay with someone so that I could forget my feelings to that person.."

Listening to those, pissed me off...
But I tried to compose myself..
And tried my best to help the person.. 

I shouldn't focus on anyone anymore..
Or just maybe...
I should ignore every broken heart..
Because eventually..
That person will learn the lesson by self..

One thing that I had learn from this situation...
A broken heart would barely accept your advice.. 
And all the person would do is just reminiscing the past..
Hoping that things would be back on its place again.. 

And I hated the situation..
Because it was just like a scattered memories.. 
It seems just like a reflection of my yearning heart..

So please, dear self...
Just stop being such an angel..
Because in the end, 
There'll just be a devil at heart instead..  
17/1/2018 : 1.29 AM

Monday, January 15, 2018

Chapter 74: Little Do You Know #5

chapters by razanah anis
#5: Song that needs to be played out loud..
I discover this song almost 3 months before 2017 ended and I started to love this song immediately.. I was addicted to this song till I decided to make it as my ring tone for some period.. 

I love the mixed emotions in it, as if how us, the ladies always think negatively when it comes to love, keeping our insecurities in silent.. Meanwhile the men normally struggle in showing us their concern and to secure our feelings but somehow, they always failed in their attempt.. 
Oh wait, just wait
I love you like I've never felt the pain
Just wait
I love you like I've never been afraid
Just wait
Our love is here and here to stay
So lay your head on me
And no matter how hard love could be, when it comes to the one, both parties would try to hang on and try to make it work, as that's how love should be.. Before you jump into unexpected conclusion, please allow me to clarify a thing.. This song had nothing to do with reminiscing my past.. I just love it on my own for the emotions that both of the singer had and I really think this is too beautiful to be kept in silence.. 😊

Friday, January 12, 2018

Movie Review: If I Stay, The Other Woman, The Giver, You're Not You (2014 Movies)


These movies had been staying in my hard disk, remaining untouched for years.. As the matter of fact, there are hundreds more of old movies that is waiting for their turn.. I downloaded these movies when I was preparing to enter my diploma life, as I was too afraid if my roommates wouldn't like me (I had traumatic high school life) so I prepared various drama and movies to fill the emptiness and little did I know, I would met blast-full roommates for my entire diploma year and plus, I got addicted to korean dramas so.. yeah.... πŸ˜“

I wanted to clear up some spaces of my hard disks and somehow, I felt guilty to just delete them without giving a chance and somehow, I'm slowly opening myself for them again.. I didn't realize I completed these four movies within 24 hours and I was thinking, why not for a short review..? It could even be new to some of you.. πŸ˜†
πŸ“ΊIf I Stay
Synopsis: Mia Hall, a talented young cellist, thought the most difficult decision she would ever have to make would be whether to pursue her musical dreams at prestigious Juilliard or follow her heart to be with the love of her life, Adam, a rock singer/guitarist. However, a car wreck changes everything in an instant, and now Mia's life hangs in the balance. Suspended between life and death, Mia faces a choice that will decide her future.

Review: This story is just something to ponder about, in my opinion.. It's kinda confusing at first, as it kept on flashbacks of Mia's memory randomly but somehow, as the story is moving forward, it's just something for you to look forward.. I'm kinda in love in Adam's character since he had a good bf material with modest and loving attitude, contrary to a normal western rockers attitude while Mia herself, she's a cute introvert which you wouldn't expect she would hold herself well to be with Adam.. However, when you got to choose either to fight for your life or give up, and knowing that all of you family is gone, which path would you choose..?

Self-Rating: ★★★ and a half because it's not that bad.. 

πŸ“ΊThe Other Woman
Synopis: Carly Whitten lives by strict rules when it comes to romantic relationships, but when she falls for suave, handsome Mark King, she begins an affair with him. A surprise visit to Mark's home reveals that he is married to devoted housewife, Kate.Carly and Kate direct their hurt and anger toward Mark, and when they discover yet a third woman caught in his web of lies, the three join forces for revenge.

Review: For someone whom loves light and relaxing movie, this is just something for you.. To be honest, I kinda enjoyed this kind of movie as I don't really need put on full emotions on it..  No intense or cheesy lines, just something for your happy pills.. 

Self-Rating: ★★★★

πŸ“ΊThe Giver
Synopis: Jonas lives in a seemingly idyllic world of conformity and contentment. When he begins to spend time with The Giver, an old man who is the sole keeper of the community's memories, Jonas discovers the dangerous truths of his community's secret past. Armed with the power of knowledge, Jonas realizes that he must escape from their world to protect himself and those he loves -- a challenge no one has ever completed successfully.

Review: If you're a fan of sci-fi movies, or maybe just a fan of Divergent series, this is just something for you.. Well, personally prefer the Divergent series but this one is still an okay movie.. I really love the lesson that they had but somehow, I felt like something is missing at the ending.. I thought it had continuation, something like 2nd movies but realizing that this is the only series, I'm like.. Okay.. There should be more.. "What would happen to this now..? And that..? Just really, this is the end..?" yeah.. Those are what I've been asking for the ending.. 

Self-Rating: ★★★  because I need a better ending..

πŸ“ΊYou're Not You
Synopis: A life-changing bond develops between a woman with ALS whose marriage is on the rocks and the brash collegian  hired to be her assistant.

Review: I wanted to ignore this movie at first, and just delete it but looking at the rating (7.4 imdb), I'm like, okay.. This must be something.. I decided to give it a try and right now, I'm so glad for not deleting it right away.. I would describe this movie similar to "Me Before You" and the only difference is that both main character were girls and it just emphasizes more on friendship.. Well, this movie is just something that I could pour my emotions into.. 

Self-Rating: ★★★  because I swear this movie caught my heart.. 

Saturday, January 6, 2018

Chapter 73: Tuhan Jagakan Dia #4

chapters by razanah anis

A song that reminds you of someone that you rather forget... To be honest, I wanted to update on the forth challenge before 2017 ended, but somehow, I couldn't recall any of the unwanted memories.... I had been looking through my old jams, the indonesian jiwang songs which was part of my soul.. I had been listening to almost everything; 6ixth Sense ( I was a huge fan of this band), Kerispatih, st12 but none got through my soul anymore.. It was like I'm immortal from the songs..  

I even asked my friends and they suggested various songs, Mariah Carey, Taylor Swift, Christina Aguilera;  but again, I felt nothing..  Well, don't get me wrong, I love the songs, I know how heartbreaking the lyrics was but the memories ain't there.. I asked myself, "What's wrong with me..? There's lots of songs that I had been going through that I know, it's connected to me and him but what is the title..?"

I hang out with my friends even longer, and they had been playing lots of jiwang songs, from a song to another, till finally, a familiar song was played and it just gets through my memories.. Listening to the song,I choked up a bit and immediately spoke up, "This is it..! This is the feelings I had been looking for.."

This song was one of the song that I stopped listening to, and surprisingly, this song still took up my emotions a bit at once but now as I'm listening to it again, I'm fine.. Well, the memories might be there but again, I'm moving on.. πŸ’…

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Chapter 72: 2018 To-Do List

2018 Resolutions
yummy nutella cheesecake baked by my beloved kak chik..πŸ’•
I've been eager to proceed my next chapter as degree student, still in KUPTM KL as I don't want to lose my MARA.. There's almost a second war between me and my dad, as he wanted me to be in government sector, a teacher to be exact.. To fulfill the request, I'm supposed to apply for any IPTA for a better guarantee but still being me, I refused for it as I had been aiming for lecturer instead.. Plus, I don't want to be involved in PTPTN and I was spoiled by MARA during Diploma, surely I want to be spoiled again.. Well at least, I could reduce the burden of my parents by spending using the allowance that had been given to us by MARA... 

Well, the first few months of my degree life might be a pain as I should wait to re-apply my MARA and I might be burdening my parents for a while but thankfully, my dad was okay with it.. Well, he had been opening his heart to accept my journey ever since my graduation day and therefore, there's a few things that I should accomplish this year..

  • Spend Wisely
Since the start might be a pain as I'm depending on my parents and I had to set RM230 monthly just for my rental house, I should lower down my expenses on others by cooking for myself.. You might be thinking, why don't you find a cheaper house or just stay in the hostel..? Well, I did try to look for a cheaper house but failed and to stay in the hostel is more hellish as I can't cook, no washing machine and there's no wifi in the hostel.. To be honest, that RM230 is a complete set of a fully furnished house; bed, locker, kitchen, fridge, washing machine, tv, unifi and bills included..! The best part..? It was just next to my college and it's only 3-5 minutes of walking.. So yup, that's the minimal I could get..

  • Shredding Mission Mode-ON..!
I could restrain my lust on food as I should cook but I'm too lazy to cook delicious meal so diet meal is all I would cook.. Surely, I could reduce my carbohydrate intake, and let's just hope I could be back on track.. It's so hard to be on track, weh..!  Staying home is so hard when you couldn't hold yourself for your mom's meal..😭
  • More Memories with Them..!
2018 to do list
How could I leave these girls behind..? I'm so eager for my degree to start as I could get back to their arms..! 3 years of Diploma and insya-Allah, another 2 years awaits, it's always been them whom stays till the end.. Well, the circle may gets smaller but there's always people come and go in our life and the best would always remain, right..? All I could do is just to appreciate these munch-kins while I could still have them.. πŸ’•

  • Dean List For This Year
I finished my diploma with the first class honor and DL for my final sem but sadly, I'm not part of those "selempang" students as I'm not a DL student of every semester.. My sisters were aggrieved with it as they truely hope I could achieve that title to win my dad's heart but Allah definitely knows better.. During the convocation ceremony, one of the best student whom was sponsored by MARA to study overseas quoted in public," You may try your best for your dreams but without your parents blessings, you would get nowhere...

Thanks to the speech, my father opened up himself and this time, I would not let the opportunity turns into a waste.. I truly hope for linear DL pointer this time.. 

  • Get Organized
chapters by razanah anis
I'm totally not an organized person, tbh.. I'm totally a very random person whom gets things settle only based on her mind.. When I feel like doing something, I would.. Same goes to my diet and expenses.. I installed apps to keep track with my diet and expenses but in the end of the day, I'm just too lazy to update them.. And lastly, I would uninstall them.. The same thing goes to planner.. I had one planner each year with the determination, but in the end of the day, I would forgot to update it.. πŸ˜…

So this time, with a new determination, I decided to just at least, get organized.. In order to be on strictly diet, to keep track on my expenses so I won't be a huge burden to my parents, and to achieve my DL target, I'm so gonna get myself together and be strict to myself.. πŸ’ͺ

I thought there's not much for me to be done but surprisingly, there's more than what I need to cope.. All the best dear self.. πŸ˜‚

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