Chapter 12: Expressing Love Ain't Easy...

December 28, 2016


"Do you love me..?"
"Why are you asking that..?"
"Why don't you answer me? You didn't love me?"
"I do love you.."
"Now I doubt it.." 
Assalammualaikum.. Saying "I love you" could mean everything or nothing, on my point of view.. Oh well, I could just say that phrase to anyone but could really that phrase means anything to me..? Uhh.. Sometimes.. Depends on how I feel or how easy the words could be spilt from my mouth.. Okay, this might sounds harsh, but IF it comes out too easily from my mouth, I would say it might mean that I just love you as a normal person, not someone that are really meaningful to my life..  Actually, this post is inspired from Hanis Amanina, and here I am, sharing with you about my ways..
To be frank, I'm not the type whom would express my love easily.. " I love you" is the hardest phrase for me to say to someone that I love.. It's either I would hesitate to answer or I would distract the person to other question before answering it and sometimes I just keep it to myself.. 
You might think, this only apply to someone special.. Well, here's the fact.. I couldn't express them to my family too..! My siblings called me "kebal", simply because I'm the hardest to deal with and I don't kiss them unless during the eid.. Even during the forgiving session, they would cry loads while saying the words and I would only be saying it, without any single tears.. 😥

It's just recently that I "accidentally" kissed my sister which I thought she was my sister in law ( my SIL is the type whom would kiss me everytime we met so I have no problem to kiss her), and she just let me to kiss her cheeks, but in the end she looked at me blankly.. In fact, my parents and Along whom were there became speechless too..! All I could say "Lah, Kakak ke.. Anis ingat kak Lin!", and everyone laughed at me.. I blushed and ran upstairs, to my room.. 😂

As expressing love was hard for me, How would I let people know that I love them? I prefer to show them by my gesture and spending some time with them.. Well, every act of kindness and everything that you do for a person could be considered as love gesture but somehow, people just don't understand you.. To be honest, you could hardly understand the gestures but, you could feel it as everything that the person do, comforts you and made your day.. 💕
Love is not meant to be seen or say after all, it's meant to be feel.. ❤

Chapter 11: Soul mate

December 24, 2016


picture from: deviantart
"Do you believe in soul mate?"
She paused the screen.. The question was not directed to her but suddenly, it's been playing in her mind.. She kept questioning herself, " Do I..?" 

Soul mate.. A fate that you meet someone whom almost perfectly reflected yourself.. Someone whom had a strong qualities and making you feel the unbreakable bond.. 
Well,come to think of it, she used to meet someone whom was able to make her feel that the person was her soul mate.. They met unexpectedly and as they were introducing themselves, everything goes weird.. 

"May I have your number?" 
"Sure, it's 017-abcde82"
"Wait, that is seriously your number?"
"Yeah, why..?"
Not replying, he dialed her number..
017-abcde28, appeared on the screen.. And that is the first coincidence.. 

"When is your birthday..?"
"May 21st.."
"Are you serious? Mine is also on May.."

They started to get excited, getting to know each other and slowly, the bond gets stronger.. They shared almost everything and he became the person that she trust the most.. They shared the burden and sticking together, till people thought they're a lover.. 

But.. As the time past by, without any reason, something were drifting them apart.. They still shared the same interest but, they no longer hang out together.. They stop contacting each other and she did try to get their chemistry back, but in the end, they became strangers again... 

Of the thought, tears started rolling down on her cheeks.. She used to believe in soul mate but now, she doubted her self.. Soul mate are two person reflecting each other, meant to be together forever, but all she had was a temporary.. 

Her belief was ruined but she wouldn't want to lose her faith on it.. 
"Maybe, soul mate does exist, but that person hasn't showing up yet.." said her heart.. 

Featured Chapters: Science Stream vs. Arts Stream [Special for PT3 students]

December 18, 2016



Assalammualaikum.. As I was in the blog-walking mode, I noticed that most of them are only 15 and yes, they are nervous thinking of their big day .. And I couldn't help but to notice that most of them are still miserable thinking of which route they should choose, either the famous science stream or the so-so art stream.. Why did I say famous or so-so?

Simply because, in Malaysia, science stream is well-known to be taken by only the good student but art stream are for the lower grade student.. This is an undeniable myths and people always say, taking science stream means you had a lot more of choices in career path..

My dear, let me tell you one facts.. Either science or arts stream, both of them have their own abilities.. What is the use of being in science stream but you don't even love remembering all science facts? What is the use of taking accountancy but you hate calculation? Why would you choose something that you don't even have your interest in? Know your abilities, and know your interest and only by then, you would enjoy the subject..

Imagine yourself taking something that is not even your interest, you would struggle yourself just to cope with something that is not your major area,.. Sometimes, you could be motivated and perhaps, you might end up just hate it.. Imagine if you failed coping with it, and your results are not satisfying as you wanted it to be, you may end up having lesser career path to be chosen..What if you don't even know your interest or ability yet? Pick the one with lesser stressful subject..

Allow me to tell you a story, of my self during choosing the path.. I was one of the all A's student at my school for PMR and during that time, my mind was set that I would have to be in arts stream.. It's simply because my parents had been brainwashing me since I was a kid, that I would be an accountant.. When my counseling teacher knew my decision, she decided to set up a science class, with accountancy subject, hoping that I would still be in the science stream but, I rejected it.. Why..?

Because I'm not into Science and if I decided to accept it, I would have to cope with Accountancy, Add Maths, Biology, Physics and Chemistry..! I'm not the type yang rajin study, so taking these subjects would be a bad idea.. For the Biology, you need to memorize a lot of facts, with physics & chemistry which I would need to memorize lots of formula and experiments.. It's a total no-no for me.. I don't even know my interest level for accountancy so stressing on other subject was not a good idea.. In the end, I just stick with my decision to be in arts stream and yes, I did not regret a bit... It was more relaxing for me and in fact, I enjoyed it..

If career paths that are playing in your mind, if you did your research, arts stream had lots of qualifying jobs that had been listed.. No matter which path you have chosen, as long as you perform yourself well, you could have the best career in your life.. There's no matter if you're in science or arts stream, as long as you had the ability and interest, enjoying the lesson, your best future is waiting ahead.. !
 Goodluck adik-adik for your PT3 results..! Insya-Allah everything would be fine.. ^^

Chapter 10:Am I happy?

December 17, 2016

Sometimes, I wonder... 
Am I happy with my life?
When I was a kid, I used to life in my own imagination..
Where happiness is living around while sadness doesn't exist in the dictionary...
Where success could be achieved easily without the existence of effort.. 
Where everything goes right and wrong just vanished from the world..
Where Prince Charming appears and fairy tales are real.. 
Where appearance is not a matter to anyone and beauty applies to everyone..
Where everyone stays and no one is leaving...

But...
As the time past by...
The imagination bounced itself, reflecting life in other way.. 
Happiness dissolved itself with not only sadness, but various of emotions.. 
Success? 
It doesn't exist without the existence of effort..
And nothing would goes right without left by it's side..
Prince Charming?
You would learn that he would still appears but not as smooth as the fairy tales.. 
Appearance?
You would learn that you're living in a judgemental world... 
But beauty is a subjective of someone's perspective.. 
And you would learn..
That no one remains forever in your life.. 

Dear self, if you're asking whether am I happy or not..
The answer is I am happy but I'm living with an empty hole...
As it's completely different from what my mind had expected..
But dear self...
Now I'm wondering...
Why should I live if nothing goes wrong..?
Isn't life means to fix your life for a better future? 
So dear self..
If you're questioning me...
Am I happy with my life?
The answer would always be, YES..!

-Flavnesz-

 
P/s:: This is a very random post.. I found a picture containing the text, "Am i happy?"  and suddenly, my mind starts thinking like this and here am I, sharing it in this blog and probably, this would be the best as my own self reminder.. 

Beauty Review: My Skin Saviour - Pink by Pure Beauty

December 14, 2016

Assalammualaikum.. It's every girls' dream to have a smooth and flawless skin, right? I wouldn't deny, I'm one of those whom wished those stuff but a dream would only left as a dream if there's no effort.. Lately, I've been stumbled with some blogs whom giving some tips regarding beauty stuff and as I am into currently into those topics, I would immediately read it (as the matter of fact, I read almost entry that appeared on my reading list).. One of them is Syaza's skincare tips and she suggested me to share my daily skincare.. I was thinking, why not, kan?

Meet myself, the one with unhidden eyebag, still trying my best to reduce the darkness of my dark eye circle.. Alright, back to the topic..! As you can see from the picture above, I have some problem with my skin.. As for the first picture, the redness on the cheek is not something that we'd call blusher.. It's something like skin dehydration, causing my cheeks to become red and it was irritating my skin.. To be frank, that thing was very disturbing as it is totally visible and can't be hidden with make-ups.. 

On the next picture , you could see some visible acne especially on the forehead area and both of my cheeks..Actually, my jerawat spesies halus-halus yang datang silih berganti and kadang-kadang besar yang buat kau rasa nak lenyek or picit sampai dia hilang.. Which I did and it's unhygienic.. I know.... But it's just hard to stop the habit of touching (picit actually) them..  

Meet my skin saviour, Pink by Pure Beauty.. They came into my life when the red, puffy cheeks appeared.. I had to say, when the first time I found them on my fb timeline, I decided to check the reviews on their page, and surprisingly, they had all positive comments.. Without wasting any moment, I went to Watsons (as they're the only certified shop for this product) and grab this products.. 
PINK by Pure Beauty has been specially created for young ladies. Formulated using the unique combination of Gigaawhite, Actiwhite whitening booster, Alps Rose and Pink Flower Complex Power, it helps to brighten the skin and boost hydration to reveal naturally bright pinkish fair skin. All their products are paraben free, lanolin free, and alcohol free – gentle and mild enough for sensitive skin.

  • The Essence Water - Dual Effect: Moisturizing & Clarifying

This one works like a toner and I would apply it right after washing my face.. It's always impress me as the cotton pad always had something, showing that the unseen particle had been removed, even when I'm not going anywhere that day.. Dulu selalu rasa macam, ala hari ni tak keluar rumah,mesti takda ape kat muka so tak payah la pakai toner.. But my principle changes now.. ==" 
  • So Glow Essence & Pudding Cream: Keeps the skin dewy and dehydrated
These ones acts as the  glowing and pinkish skin agent.. Not pretty sure on that fact but I have to admit, it feeds my skin with the exact vitamin, helping it to stay hydrated.. One thing made me totally in love with these two was they had the best smell, not the typical smell that was provided by other product.. So bila nak tidur, kulit rasa happy sebab dia dah dapat supplement and bau wangi melekat dekat muka.. Something like face therapy jugak la kot.. XD

The result? 
Well, it's not officially flawless yet but at least it's better than before.. My forehead had never been the acne-free zone before and now I barely could feel any of their existence, and my dehydration-puffy-red cheeks are gone.. Time to focus on the dark circle.. Anyone has any good tips, besides myself being a sleeping beauty?

Chapter 9: The Dress

December 11, 2016

Assalammualaikum.. To those whom had read the information tag, you may know that I'm actually on a weight loss journey.. It was my own desire to be on this route and luckily, I'm surrounded with positive vibes and supportive friends.. However, I always lost the battle with my own lust over food and I always need a timeline for me to accomplish and slowly achieve my goals.. I'll be updating my progress as a reminder for myself and hence, stopping myself from giving up or lose from the track.. 


The first time I decided to focus on my diet, it was when I entered the hostel of KPTM KL.. However, my diet kept switching and it was hard for me to be strict with my diet, as I need to cook in order to be in a clean diet.. I started to be totally serious when I moved to a rent house and I managed to cook my own diet food.. However, I'm taking it slowly as there's nothing to rush me.. When one of my sister, Ateh, told me that she was getting married, that was when I'm in rush.. She decided that all of my girl siblings should wear a dress from their favourite shop, Imaan Boutique, which I had never own one due to my big size..

When the boutique came out with the sale, my sisters brought me to the shop to give a try on the biggest size available and the result was just like I expected... I couldn't zip in the dress..  It was only less than 3 months left from the date and without thinking further, they just grab the dress for me, despite the fact that I could not even wear it.. In order to make the money into a waste and for not be a weirdo during the big day, I'm determined to focus on Atkins diet.. Simply because it was the quickest way to lose weight for a busy and lazy person like me.. It might be a bit unhealthy but I had done a full survey of the diet and I'm alert with the consequences and how to avoid it from becoming a problem..


Alhamdulillah I'm not the weirdo on the day.. I'm the happiest person when I managed to fit in the dress and that's the end for the first timeline.. The 2nd timeline would end on the 1st March 2017, hoping I could fit into a new size of the same brand dress, for my another sister's wedding, Kakak... Oh well, Kakak promised for a new dress of my own choice if I managed to reduce one size and oh well, I guess Imaan Boutique dresses was one the reason of why I want and need to lose weight.. Simply because, my siblings love you and I'll love you too..     

Chapter 8: Waiting Over the Rainbow

December 10, 2016

Assalammualaikum.. life had been quite harsh to me lately.. My uncle past away on last thursday and yesterday, my result came out and it was pretty awful for my record.. I had expected for not being in the dean list, but I didn't expect it to drop a lot.. I cried a lot during  last semester and I stressed myself as there was too many things to cope; drama productions, big book, games, micro-teachings which everything was either involving group or pairs.. 

I hate the fact that the ones whom didn't co-operate the most would get the benefit and gain better results while the ones whom struggle a lot, had to share the results with them.. I was demotivated after my result came out, even I keep calming myself that everything has their own reason.. I keep telling myself, "Allah nak bagi kau reward lain tu, sabar.. " but the other negative said of me keep saying, "Macam mana kalau memang nothing good coming towards..?"

Ya Allah, maafkan aku kerana meragui kuasa-Mu... I'm just too disappointed for not able to bring good results for my dad, after lots of money he had to spend for me during the whole semester.. After the tragedic incident, as everything I am doing are for him,  I felt like I failed this time..

Last night, after getting my result, I waited for him to come back from the tahlil of my late uncle.. Once he arrived, I hugged him and I kept apologizing to him for not being able to perform myself this time.. He acted like it didn't effect anything and he said, "Papa tak marah.. Kalau betul kau belajar, dah tu rezeki yang kau dapat, papa nak cakap apa? Dah ni jalan yang kau pilih, tempuh la... Habiskan apa yang perlu..

From the bold sentences, I know that deep inside, he was still disappointed with my decision of changing the course.. I only had 2 semester left, and this time, I need to perform well and proof to him that taking TESL was not a mistake... May Allah be with me till the end and help me in the journey of taking my dad's heart..      
"Setiap yang berlaku ada hikmah dia.. Ada rahmat datang nanti.. Allah turunkan ujian untuk kita berfikir, renungkan dan ingat Dia.. Semoga Allah kurniakan Anis hati setabah Sumayyah.. Amin.." - Thank you my some sort like a special friend, for this strength..    

Chapter 7: Size vs. Friendship

December 7, 2016

Assalammualaikum... 

Being a big size girl is not an option.. I believe, no one asked for it.. It's just a fate that Allah had granted to certain people but humans tend to forget that.. Well, not everyone would but trust me, there are lots of judgemental people whom looking down at us.. Some may accept fat people as if nothing wrong with it but some would be cynical .. And that's what I've been going through for years...

When you're a kid, the term 'gemuk' would always hurtful enough but you wouldn't care.. Your life is all about having fun and eat delicious food but as the time past by, it would be hard for you to hear the word but actually people is insulting you silently... Well, I used to found a written doodle on one of the school table , insulting me as it's written, "(......) Razanah besar macam (.....)"


I censored them as it's would not be nice for people to read it.. Believe it or not, they became in chaos when they knew I had a bf at that particular time.. And some was eager to know how and why he chose me, as if he's blind enough to be with me.. Not enough with that, even my ex received their judgement, saying "oh biasa je.. " and "oh.. takde la hensem pun.."

Seriously, what's wrong with them? It's not that I'm flirting with your bf or something.. Kalau aku dapat pakwe hensem, macam mana la huru-hara time tu agaknya.. Lagi teruk agaknya.. -.-

When size are used as the standard for a friendship, is that really what friendship are meant for? 

After SPM, I'm too afraid to go to college simply because of my size... That's when I realize I'm becoming an introvert.. I didn't speak to anyone as I felt like people are looking at me weirdly.. However, they approached me and somehow, everything changed... My perception that skinny people would not approved fat person as their friends had vanish.. Well, maybe not everyone would accept you in fat version but without realizing it, you tend to just ignore it.. Afterall, it's the process of being an adult and size won't be a matter in friendship anymore, at least for some people.. Right?    

Chapter 6: Too Much Information Tag!

December 6, 2016

Assalammualaikum.. Since I've mistakenly deleted most of my entries, especially the drafts, I had to re-write this question tag.. Well, it has 50 questions for me to answer which would be an ideal way for you to know me better (probably)..? Thanks Liyana for coming out with such interesting tags..


Q1: What are you wearing?
Well, it's a holiday for me so I'm just wearing the most comfortable 'pyjama', the kaftan a.k.a"baju kelawar"..

Q2:Ever been in love?
Yes, but's over and he'd been the one and only for now..

Q3: Ever had a terrible breakup? 
Surprisingly, I had a very similar backgrounds with Erin's.. I've been in relay with my ex since 2010 and he was at INTEC, finishing his A-level and getting ready for medic in India but ended up un-able to fly due to certain reasons.. On 2012, he went to Egypt instead and came back a year later as Egypt was in chaos atm and continued his study in MSU.. And the rest is the history as it's complicated that you would ever imagine..    

Q4: How tall are you? 
I guess I have an average height which is neither short nor tall, 162 cm..

Q5: How much do you weigh?
Ahhum.. I already had an entry of my weight lose journey but too bad it was mistakenly deleted.. So I would only say I'm more than 100 and I'm in the journey of getting an ideal weight.. It's still a long journey so please do wish me luck..    

Q6: Any tattoos?
I would if it's halal but let's accept the fact that it's haram..

Q7: Any piercings?
Used to have one when I'm in standard 1 but one of the pair went missing so my mom took out the other half.. Since then, goodbye earrings..

Q8: OTP?
I'm hoping that Kim Jong Kook and Kim Sejeong gets married in real instead of a wedding only in a show... Both are my bias and I really ship them together..    

Q9: Favourite show?
Runningman, Talents For Sale, F.R.I.E.N.D.S and K-dramas..

Q10: Favourite bands? 
There are lots considering based on the songs that I love but if for a lifetime, Westlife rules forever!

Q11: Something you miss?
Everyone that used to fill the emptiness of my life...

Q12: Favourite song?
I've thousands of favorable songs but if for now, I'm obsessed with We Don't Talk Anymore- Charlie P. ft. Selena G. and This Town - Niall Horan..

Q13: How old are you?
I'm entering 23 on the upcoming 21st May..

Q14: Zodiac sign?
I'm the one with dual personality stars, Gemini! Oh yes, understanding me would never be an easy task..!    
Q15: Quality you look for in a partner?
I'm filled with thousands of weakness so I need someone whom could accept me for who I am and someone whom able to feed my soul with happiness as my life has been miserable for this past few years..

Q16: Favourite quote?
The world is an acting stage and the actors would only stop acting when they're alone..

Q17: Favourite actor?
I would say Brad Pitt is unbeatable but Sam Claflin is such a romantic bae..   

Q18: Favourite colour?
I would say red and pastels/soft colors as I always goes along with the term asal sedap mata memandang.. 

Q19: Loud music or soft?
This changes based on my mood.. But mostly soft I guess..

Q20: Where do you go when you're sad?
If I'm in my hometown, my room is my nest but when I'm back in KL, I don't have any place to go as I'm sharing my room so I have a sweetheart of mine whom would be with me..

Q21: How long does it take you to shower?
I would take less than 10 minutes if I have stuff to do..

Q22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
I would take 5-10 minutes to make up + wearing tudung if I'm in rush..

Q23: Ever been in a physical fight?
Since I went to one of the elite school in Seremban, I've never faced with physical fights since girls won't be abusive to each other unless it's the matter of guys and even I'm a bully victim in school, it's only an emotion bully which is invisible to the public..

Q24: Turn on's?
Random: Nature, Sweet smells, bakeries...
Physical: jawlines (this is hard for me to explain)..

Q25: Turn offs?
Men with self-boosting, living with the motto "Men is always the best and right" and smokers...

Q26: The reason I joined Blogger?
If I should be honest, this blog exists because of my ex at first, breathing with the name Candy Heart and since I'm decided to continue writing this year, I buried the past and reincarnate it as Chapters..

Q27: Fears?
Losing the apple of my eye, cockroach and lizard..

Q28: Last thing that made you cry?
Writing this entry as I was reminiscing my worst relationship with my beloved dad..    

Q29: Last time you said you loved someone?
Just now to my cats...

Q30: Meaning behind your blog URL?
My own name as I want a fresh start.. Previously, I go along with the URL pabilahatibersatu.blogspot.com as it was meant for my love memories at first..

Q31: Last book you read?
Cecelia Ahern never disappoints me with her romantic love..


Q32: The book you're currently reading?


Q33: Last show you watched?
Runningman episode 238..

Q34: Last person you talked to?
My Niece.. She's asking me to open cartoon for her..

Q35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted?
Someone whom I could call friend..

Q36: Favourite food?
Anything which contains seafood, kuey teow or pasta..

Q37: Place you want to visit?
Can I say all over the world?! I've never travel outside Malaysia and in fact,there are some famous places that I've never been to.. My parents are not the type whom would spent their money just for fun where life is all about raising us..

Q38: Last place you were?
Kitchen.. If you mean except my house, Jusco s2..

Q39: Do you have a crush?
Neels !!!     

Q40: Last time you kissed someone?
Few days back, I kissed my baby nephew..

Q41: Last time you were insulted?
I can't recall when was the last time.. Oh well, I tend to remember insults but not the timing or by whom.. So yeah..

Q42: Favourite flavour of sweet?
Eclipse in berries and HACKS lemon/blackcurrant flavor..

Q43: What instruments do you play?
None but if I could, I would really love to try piano..

Q44: Favourite piece of jewellery?
I'm not into jewellery for now but the most special in my collections are a bracelet which was gifted by my parents and another bracelet, a surprise birthday gift from my friend..

Q45: Last sport you played?
Is dumbbell considered as sport? If yes, then few days back..

Q46: Last song you sang?
Hujan Kemarin - Taxi band..

Q47: Favourite chat up line?
I'm not a texting person, so I would say, none?

Q48: Have you ever used it?
No as there's none?

Q49: Last time you hung out with anyone?
Well, before I'm officially starts hibernating, I hung out for the last time with one of my best college mate..

Q50: Who should answer these questions next?
Are you reading this? If yes, you should give it a try.. :3

[Edited Chapters] Self-positive When I was Sad

Assalammualaikum... Friendly reminder, this post was written for a GA that I joined but since I guess it's part of life, I edited it into a normal post.. ^^

Before TESL, I used to be in the relationship with accounting.. It was my father's dream to see me holding a scroll in ACCA and he felt that it was the best career for me.. I gave it a try but end up crying as it was a huge burden for me.. I failed some test miserably and my father kept pushing me by provoking me.. Yes, provocation always works for me as I always tried my best to prove that the statement is wrong but not at that particular moment.. I had to face break up and I lost the person whom had always been my backbone at the same year.. I tried to gain my strength, thinking of my dad but I failed.. 

Thinking of giving up and pursuing my desirable interest, my dad exploded into anger and it was the worst moment.. He treated me like his own enemy, living under the same roof but act like a stranger.. During the broken moment, my ateh became my backbone and supported me to pursue my dreams.. When it was the time for me to leave the house and register myself at college, he didn't want to send me off.. When I grabbed his hands for blessings, he just said, " pergilah.. karang lambat.." and my mom scolded him by saying, " awak hantar anak orang pegi belajar, awak sanggup pegi kelantan la, mana-mana hantar anak buah awak sambung belajar tapi anak bongsu awak sendiri awak buat macam ni.." 

Hearing that, I cried and it didn't change anything..My mom and ateh helped me on that day and before they left, they said " Duduk sini elok-elok, ingat kenapa kau dekat sini.. Buktikan kat papa yang this is the right thing to do..  "

As the time past by, after getting my first result, Alhamdulillah my dad is back to my arm.. It was awkward for us during the first semester but after I proved to him that I'm serious with this new life, he finally gave his blessings to me .. In fact, our relationship become better that we used to had before the big argument... From that remarkable moment, each time I'm sad with something, I always told myself, 
" Razanah Anis, kau pernah hadap yang lagi teruk dari ni.. Nothing is worse than losing papa in your arm so tempuh la semua ni demi papa.. Kalau sebelum nie kau boleh kuatkan diri lawan papa, takkan benda kecik pun nak sedih? La Tahzan Innallaha Ma'ana.. Allah always knows the best and every there's always a rainbow after a rain.. So be strong and believe that the best is coming..."
P/s: I have to admit that for now, my dad is the reason of my everything, so everything that I'm doing is only for him.. Only by thinking of him could make me stronger...

Chapter 5: Raining Hearts


Assalammualaikum.. I'm having a mixed feeling right now..! Most of my latest entries were gone..Q_Q Tu la tangan gatal lagi nak manage labels.. Tanpa sedar dah delete hampir semua entry, so I need to rewrite my diet journey from scratch..:/  Despite that, guess this is the  sign that I really need to move on from the past since most of my old memories which had been kept in the drafts are gone.. No more entries of old love, goodbye bitter memories, it's all about the future now *deep breaths and positivekan diri*... But still, my " Too Many Question Tags" drafts is gone too!*sighs* There's no words that I could use describe my feelings right now.. Hopefully tomorrow will be okay.. Dear Chapters, please be nice to me.. Sincerely, your one and only author...

Chapter 4: Semester 4 of TESL

December 4, 2016


Assalammualaikum.. The previous post reminds me of how tearful my life had been before the semester ended.. From the first day of being a teslian student, I had to admit, everyone was eager to enter semester four. Why? Because that is when we could be an actor/actress and at the same time, boost the popularity in college. Drama production seems a pleasure for the juniors but only the seniors knew that actually it was another subject that could be called as hell.. Yes..! We need to plan a theater of our own and construct it from bare, starting from the scripts, sponsorships, locations, marketing, crews, props and to make it work, we need to cope with more than 50 people under a production..


As for me, I am under Manamana Production and we performed ''Cendol Weather''..  We had an unpleasant start and we hardly cope with each other having lots of inner problems starting from selecting the scripts up to the props and practice timing as the actors always showed up late and causing the practice to end at 10 the earliest.. Yeah.. We spent our nights practicing in the college.. During our big show, we are supposed to perform for two days to complete our tasks but to some critical reasons, we had to stop performing after the first performance.. It's hard for everyone to accept the reasons but nothing we could do, thinking for the sake of safety of everyone, especially the audience..


While stressing on managing the performance from bare to the end, it's obvious that there are other subjects to be focused on.. Well, another core subject of this semester was Teaching Reading and Writing.. Well, you could already grab the gist of what you need to master on.. We need to learn on how to teach the primary kids reading and writing skills. Other than the normal, boring microteaching, one of our toughest task of this subject was to create the big book... We need to use our own creativity to construct a huge book in order to attract the kids to read.. We spend most of our time and holidays just to complete this book.. 



The third core subject for the semester was Teaching Listening and Speaking.. This was a more relaxing class, but! Oh well, here you go... The hardest challenge was we had to brainstorm ideas for teaching in a fun way.. Kids would define fun with games so here we are, planning and making our own games from scratch.. The challenge was when we need to relate the games into education and we could not copy what had been published on the market.. Another sweaty assignments which could broke a friendship as I would say, all of them challenges your patience to cope with your group mates.. 

This semester was the craziest that I had gone through as I cried literally a lot, and to be frank, I had to call my father for money every week because every assignments needs a huge amount of money.. I would say I had spent more than RM400 only to complete this three tasks while there are actually more assignments behind this three assignment.. So to my juniors, good luck and be prepare mentally and physically to face semester four..

Chapter 3: TESL @ KUPTM / KPTM KL

November 24, 2016


Aite, my current mission for this blog is to complete all the tabs with the exact links.. Well, let's start with a brief of mumbling regarding my life as a teslian student.. I had to say, taking TESL is not as easy as people had been expected.. It requires hell lots of confidence and ability to communicate and to educate the students.. You need to be creative, and trust me, having a mind of the kids would be lots of help.. We need to develop our own ''childhood memories'' and imagine ourselves in the toddlers shoes...

Yeah.. It is never easy.. Scoring high marks ain't easy when you need to be creative in order to fit in the kids knowledge.. For those who is considering to further your studies in TESL, if you have a good English skills but you're lack of self confidence, don't you ever dare to enter this world.. Well unless if you're brave to enough to challenge yourself and take this as the platform for you to boost your self confidence, who knows?

If you have the confidence that you are good in English and you are confident with yourself, I am willing to tell you this; never be boastful with your English.. Why? Because once you're among the teslians, you would realize that there is always someone better in English compared to you.. Hey, it's the battle of the language afterall.. I bet you would meet someone whom speaks English not only fluently, but with the almost perfect british or other accents.. Goshhhh.. I am jealous of them to be honest.. And they're always the genius ones, the dean lists students as they're better in almost everything.. -.-'

Oh and one more thing, for those whom is thinking to take tesl to improve your English, forget the ideas. You're not taking it to improve your English.. You're taking it to teach kids!  So please, do prepare yourself with at least some basic knowledge because once you enter this world, you're on your world of educating English.. The lecturers are expecting you to have a good English, and they're not expecting a perfect English but at least, speak with the least grammatical or vocabulary error.. So be prepare and the most important thing, be creative to fit in this world.. :3




Chapter 2: Reincarnation


Guess the hibernating season had over for me.. Time for me to make this sem break a bit reproductive. I had to say, it's hard for me to make this move.. Changing ain't easy but without a trial, there's no way people to change, right? Even the gaseous nebula had to collapse in order to give birth to a star.. So, here i am.. Collapsing and crumbling every bitter memories in here but no worries, I am not destructing it.. This is just your birth, CHAPTERS... 

Chapter 1: Hiraeth

November 22, 2016


A perfect quote to explain my feeling to this blog right now... However, I would be back and blog construction is in progress for a total comeback.. :D

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