Assalammualaikum...
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| Credit: Mymyoo @ Grafolio |
Little sweet little girl,
Dreaming of a big world,
She shall twirl and swirl,
Wishing upon the magical.
Little sweet little girl,
Hoping through and shining through,
Of the gaze and the grace,
Of the glaze and the embrace.
Little sweet little girl,
With a swirl and twirl,
Smiling to the world,
Engraving as the new paper girl.
That new paper girl,
Was once the little sweet little girl,
She is shining through,
Oh, but it is too good to be true...
written by;
-Flavnesz @ Chapters_ 10.32 a.m.-
Assalammualaikum...
Been wanting to write but there's a mess in this mind as if, should I or shouldn't I..? It's been almost a month since we entered new year and I haven't done any of my ritual post of 2019 reflections or summing out the year because you know, 2019 was a year of mess for me... Sure thing, there are plenty of wonderful stuffs but if I shall remark my 2019 in whole, I would say, it's a year of my downfall... I literally forgot every single wonderful journey that had occurred before losing my dad because literally, my life without him is a major impact and hence, I barely remember anything wonderful anymore... But still, been debating on this so here it is, my dedication post for those whom had been coloring my life throughout the year...
1. Them....
Do I really need to introduce them again because, it's been awhile.. haha... I never thought they would be the one whom ended up being stuck with me throughout the end because seriously, we were friends in diploma, became strangers at the middle of the degree and here we are, back at it again... While I literally thought no one really cares, no one really would be with me when I'm in the mess, to my even of more surprise, they were there... When I came back from the graveyard the day my dad passed away, my sister in law approached and told me that my friends were here and had been waiting for me; I swear to Allah, I expected no one and hence, my heart rushed so fast as I was too eager to know who and the moment my eyes laid on them, waiting inside my room, I was totally overwhelmed... These angels... Oh God.. I have no exact words to describe them because I swear, they are literally the ones whom made me realized that true friendship still exists...
2. Sarah
This girl, is the another magical person in my life, really, she is... It's been a wonder how I got attached to her when I could say, our start were not as good as I expected to be but somehow, she is the person that I had been depending on till right now. I really love disturbing her whenever I could and somehow, we just turn to each other whenever we need someone to talk... She may be a lil' bit strict sometimes, a little bossy too at times which she admitted btw, and she really don't care on how people judged her because she is truly being herself but this person, had been the pillar of my strength... Almost every time I broke into pieces, especially reminiscing my late dad, this person right here would reply my status just to boost up my spirit by saying I could really face the challenge.. Oh, the latest thing that she had been doing as a sweetheart is by helping me to find the place for my internship and she actually did share the link of empty vacancy as much as she could for me... I didn't know what did I do to deserve her in my life but literally, I'm so grateful for having her as part of my life...
3. The Flavious
Shall I introduce to the origins of "Flav" and how I became Flavnesz? haha... Well, maybe I should in the next post but at least you got the gist, right...? These was one of the days when I literally enjoyed myself, forgetting about my sadness temporarily before the high fever struts in and killed the joy...Well, gonna write more about them in the next post.. 😉
4. Madam Ezzan & Anios
These two person were the bliss of my FYP journey and I swear without them, I would not be able to complete my FYP... One of the last conversation that I had with my late dad was how grateful I was to have her as my FYP supervisor and oh God, I still am.. She was the one whom guided me from the start till the end, the one whom never tested any of us with any rough journey as she was so chill and relax. While almost everyone in the class had a hectic life coping with their supervisors, me and Anios remained calmed and literally took our best sweet time and if any of my juniors been reading this, Madam Ezzan is the best! And Anios had been the sweetest partner in crime because we really had a good collab, helping each other and she really ease my hectic FYP life. I could never imagine my FYP result without the help of these duo.
4. Anis Enne Nuramira
Her hectic life caused her for not being with me all the time but she's been with me for years... She was not able to present herself the day I broke myself but she managed to make a surprise visit and fixed everything up... We may barely be with each other and may not even text each other but I just know that our thought and prayers would always tally together...
5. Sweethearts
I had to insert this because apparently it was the final year of memories with him... Well, I put this on the last stage on purpose, because I know I would be in the sea of tears.. My last memory with him was pleasant, and everything was the sweetest moment.. I managed to experienced almost everything that I had been yearning to and for that, thank you Allah for allowing me to feel his love towards the end... Well, I am still losing control over my life and it is so hard to keep my mind straight when I had been depended my life upon him so much, I am still unable to make decisions, I am not sure if it is the right decision and I am so afraid of the outcome but still, I had to be strong for the person next to him and all that I could wish right now is for Allah to allow me to serve her at my best...
Despite of losing one of the unconditional love, I had plenty in 2019 and for that, I thank you Allah for allowing me to be in these position, to feel the love and to love them as well... I would keep them forever in my heart and Papa, I had been keeping you in my soul... Have a good rest and I love you... Al-Fatihah..
Assalammualaikum...
Is it still valid for me to wish all of you Happy New Year? Okay, I know that it's too late since we're already on the second week but it would be so awkward if I didn't do so. I had been wanting to update but I was truly occupied. Officially settled my FYP only on the 31st of December, followed by the hectic 100 days Tahlil of my late father on 4th and then, right now, I am still in the misery of getting a place for an internship which supposedly for me to start on next week, Monday but, it's okay... I could start a bit late but I truly hope I could get a place where could deliver my best and you know, be me...
Well, to be frank, there is company that is in my mind but I would only gets the answer by next week and I wouldn't deny myself that I really, really want to be there... There are plenty of random stuff that had been lingering on my mind and I won't reveal much till this place confirmed my application but just a little hint;
I am actually all excited thinking about that place as it's connected to children matter, and you guys know how I'm totally attached to my ex-students, and the thought to be able to work in an environment involving kids without being attached to the formal lesson plan, the whole idea of that just made my heart all fluttering and yes, I had been telling my close friends and my sisters that I really want to be there and all they had been saying was; "Buat solat hajat hari-hari..."
Dear heart, calm down... Allah knows the best and if it is meant to be, you will be.... Dear 2019, thank you, for all the lesson and you will never be forgotten as you hold the most important event in my life, the moment I was not prepared of but still, thank you.... 2020, I will not hope for a change in anything anymore because I'm too afraid if I wished it wrongly once again but please, guide me to become the best version in me, life wise and hopefully, a stability in the career wise.
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