8.24 p.m: 19/12/2017

Assalammualaikum.. 

There are certain moments...
where words are meant to be spilled...
And that's when..
Love is getting nourished...

But..
There are times...
Where words are meant to be kept..
Love are meant to become the secret of heart..
And that's when...
The fear conquers it all..

The affliction of getting rejected..
The distress of losing someone we adore..
And the discomfort of continuing the relationship that we had..

That's how..
These unspilled words..
Conquers everything..
With the hope that nothing changes..

But deep inside...
It's crying...
Dying to be spilled out..
Hoping for something amazing...

The questions is...
Will these unspilled words...
 Remain in silence..?

1.22 a.m : 14/12/2017

Assalammualaikum.. I wanted to find a job while waiting for January to appear, as my degree would only started at the end of January next year... As I was viewing the insta story, an old friend of mine promoted a vacancy and the office is located at the North Tower of The Gardens..

To cut the story short, I only manage to pass the first session and didn't even get for an interview as they sent me back immediately.. There was a slight of frustration inside me. but there's the other side of me that remains so calm, since I had been praying for Allah to ease my journey, if the job was meant for me.. 

I'm always the laziest person in the family, I didn't study as much as my other siblings did, I didn't bother of getting number one in every school examination, I didn't care about my homework at all but one thing or sure, I always perform with big examinations.. I had a record of having a boyfriend since form 4 and I manage to keep the secrets till SPM results came out, freaking everyone out that I could still manage to get good results... That is how surprising I could be.. 

When I decided to stop ACCA and proceed to TESL, my dad freaked out the most.. He could not look at me, his eyes were filled with anger and there's no comforting words coming from his mouth and he keep depressing me on things.. He even sent a text filled with points of how I made a huge mistake, how my life would be a hell in the future and my biggest supporter atm, Ateh, had to face his anger too.. She called me, crying and begging me to perform my best, hoping that I could show to my dad that it was never a mistake...

28/10/2017, the day that would change everything finally showed up.. He didn't realize that my convocation was coming, giving me a signal that he didn't bother of it at all.. Everything was still awkward at first, he didn't show his smile at all, and we only look at each other awkwardly.. When it was the moment for me to come up on the stage, I had been chanting;

That's what I've been repeating in my heart, and Alhamdulillah, everything went smoothly.. When I finally came down to meet my family, I could see how Ateh had been focusing at the escalator, eager to find me.. And there's a person, looking at me warmly with a smile on his face.. A smile that I had been missing for years.. That's when I know, I finally did it.. !

Pa.. I'm sorry for being the most rebellious kids in your life.. I'm sorry for not granting your dream, even when you had faith in me.. I know how much you had hopes in me but I was afraid if I would fail in the end.. I didn't want to be the black sheep of the family and that's why, I'm trying my best to make a u-turn.. It was never an easy journey, without your blessings.. But it was a wonderful journey and seeing the success that I had made, seeing how I manage to make you smile in the end, it was the best feeling I have ever had.. I was hoping that I could have the ANC award for you but, it's impossible without your blessings but Allah helped me to be among the first class students.. And thankfully, that's enough for me to put a smile on you..There will be more for you pa...Always for you.. 💕