Chapter 119: 2024 Rambles

Assalammualaikum... 

 After years of ignorance, this blog of mine seems like has found its way to breath again. Funny how the desire of updating this space had been lingering in my mind all this while but only decided to flow out itself only by today. No, I didn't forget this space but I am all drowned with adulthood. Now where should I start? haha... 

I have to say, life has never been easy on me.... but I do believe that it is the same for everyone. I had to go  through plenty of career changes, just for the sake for me to find the key of the life which is so called "happiness"; from teaching in English Centre to skincare content writer and lastly as a part time English lecturer before finally, now, I'm a gov English teacher. And the truth is..? I'm still searching for it. 

I am still wondering what is my actual desire in this life and never once occurred in my mind that I would be in this current situation. I resigned teaching kids at first, knowing they drained my energy off and I had been struggling financially. 

Got the chance to be a content writer then, and I was so hyped up for it at first but ended up realizing; that I shouldn't turn my hobby into a career. It was fun to be a content writer, to learn about the marketing products but there are too much empty moments that made me missed teaching even more. Plus, I had trouble to fit into the company's society. Life felt emptier, as there's literally no one for me to talk with. 

Hence, the moment I received the offer to be a part time lecturer, I am willing to give up my writing desire, and back into teaching. Guess what? It felt just right on that time. I don't have to stress myself; thinking about the kids, and only Allah knows how much I had been enjoying it. However, it was not a permanent offer. The offer for me to be a gov English teacher came right away after the college semester ended and just in time when I was about to become jobless.

Well, who can deny that Allah is the best planner as He is also the sole rizq giver. I was enjoying myself the whole last year. I enjoyed teaching more than ever, found my way to deal with the kids, had a fun year adapting with the school life and I've gained a lot last year. I can say, it was the year that I finally found my happiness after papa passed away. 

However, rainbows never stays in one place, right...? The new school semester has just started but there's already plenty of mental breakdown series and all I had been thinking right now is to quit, to give up everything that have.... The reasons...? My mind is screaming and my energy is yawning. *paused*

I wish.... *Wearing the faith coats"

On everything.... 

Though everything feels so wrong right now, I will still be keeping my faith on Him and I will believe that this is just a temporary storm as sign of His love... Let's just keep the hope, dearself. 

P/s: I'm not in my right mind, please ignore the grammatical errors.. haha

"Aku dah cakap kan, Allah tu baik.... Percaya je dengan Dia... Sekarang kau tak nampak, akan datang kau akan nampak.." - Sarah, 2020